Every Time I Die - Radical

Oh live music, how I’ve missed you so.

I have a prevailing disdain for most people, and I typically do not mind removing myself from society and the general public (“…you should try loving man while fucking hating mankind…” - Desperate Pleasures), but if there is one thing I missed during the pandemic, it was live shows. For me, there is nothing like seeing any of my favorite bands perform live. To me, a bands’ songs are only as good as they are performed live. Nothing compares to the energy of a venue filled with live music. It’s true, I am not a fan of being close to people (physically or emotionally), but when I’m surrounded by those that share an affinity for my type of music, it makes crowd’s much more tolerable.

I had the (desperate) pleasure of attending the Violent Gentleman 10th anniversary show at the Garden Amphitheater in Garden Grove, CA, headlined by the almighty Every Time I Die. This wasn’t my first show since the pandemic started; I attended the Ohana Fest in September, and Dead Sara in October. But seeing Every Time I Die was the first time in two years where I felt like…yes, this is what I missed; a loud and rowdy as fuck rock concert. The Garden Amp was the ideal venue for this show - open air, amphitheater seating, and a pit area in front.

(I’m not gonna act like I was in the pit, I was admiring from a safe distance in a seat. If you’ve never been to an Every Time I Die show, it gets pretty rambunctious and disorderly in the pit and on stage. I have no patience for that kind of tomfoolery anymore, I am quite content enjoying the show from my seat. Preferably in the back.)

The concert itself was amazing. ETID is one of my favorite bands to see perform live. The energy at an ETID show is inexplainable; it’s a beautiful combination of punk rock, unity, and chaos. They played a balanced amount of new songs (“Dark Distance,” “AWOL", “Planet Shit,” “Sly,” “Post-Boredom”) and old favorites (“We’rewolf,” “Underwater Bimbos from Outer Space,” “The New Black,” “The Marvelous Slut,” “Ebolarama”). As has been the case the last few years, they closed with “Map Change,” except that this time it got cut off at the end due to curfew. Since they normally close with it, they extend it, but because of curfew they cut it short. So every version of “Map Change” live that I’ve seen has either been too long or too short. I am the only one that finds these things amusing.

My 2022 is filled with new and rescheduled concerts from some of my favorites:

• Underoath/ETID (again!)/Spiritbox

• Killswitch Engage/August Burns Red/Light the Torch

• Glassjaw

• Deftones/Gojira

• Architects

And those are just the confirmed shows! I haven’t even mentioned other tentatively rescheduled shows, or unannounced shows. I’m stoked I get to partake in live music again. If you see me at any show, feel free to say hi. I may even hug you (offer to hug subject to change).

My life is getting back to normal. One show at a time.

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Radical (2021) is the 9th studio album from Buffalo’s proudest sons, Every Time I Die. ETID released an album in 2005 called “Gutter Phenomenon” that I got because Daryl Palumbo, singer of Glassjaw (one of my favorite bands, then and now), did guest vocals on a song (“The New Black”). I can’t say for sure because my memory is a bit iffy nowadays, but I believe that how was how I got into ETID. Even though I was really into Glassjaw, I couldn’t really get into any of the other similar sounding post-hardcore/metalcore bands at the time. That particular sound is very limiting, and it’s difficult to differentiate yourself from the other bands in that scene. Glassjaw is one of them. And Every Time I Die is another.

ETID stayed on my radar over the years. Can’t say I was following their every move, but I kept up with each album they released. “Low Teens" (2016) was the album that really brought me back in. Songs like “The Coin Has a Say” and new fan favorite/closer “Map Change” highlight this super underrated album. Fast forward a few years to when they start writing the album that ended up being Radical. They recorded the entire album before the pandemic shutdown happened, and with the exception of a few songs, didn’t release the album until October 2021 so that they could properly tour and support it. Must be tough to sit on an album for almost two whole years before it can be released. If I were in the band, I’d want to release it as soon as possible. I couldn’t take it, I would just sit there and nitpick stupid stuff and want to re-record parts here and there. But that’s why they’re the professionals.

I liked the new songs that I heard, but I wanted to hear the entire album. My impatience was getting to me. But oh what a happy day when Radical was released. I just mentioned that this album was recorded pre-COVID, and this is important because if you didn’t know any better, you would think that lead vocalist Keith Buckley wrote the lyrics now. Buckley outright begs for a plague in “Dark Distance.” “Planet Shit” covers the upper class elite/ruling class, religion, and a touch of Critical Race Theory. Buckley is nothing if not clairvoyant. Death/rebirth (“Post-Boredom”), and different interpretations of hope (“Desperate Pleasures,” “Thing with Feathers,” “White Void”) are other topics he covers with his masterful wordplay:

“I will live forever unless I dream up something better” - We Go Together

“Can’t kill a man who has never felt alive” - Sly

“I walked in with one foot out the door, you knew that I was not gonna stay” - Post Boredom

“You got an atheist praying for Judgment Day” - Desperate Pleasures

“Take my word, I don’t want it” - AWOL

“Fear is a fetish and I’m a masochist” - The Whip

For me, ETID started out as a party band with funny song titles. Nowadays, they’re a band that makes me rethink how I see the current state of affairs and how that affects our future. Don’t let the serious nature of the lyrics trick you into thinking this a serious album; Radical shreds from beginning to end. ETID still cranks out music that you want to play full blast in your car, that will never change. Lyrically, Radical is heavy. But so is their sound. And that’s what makes me a fan.

Thanks guys for a great album. Give my love to Buffalo, Buffalo.

“At war with a villain, you can’t call a truce

You put down your weapon but now he’s got two

A liar’s a liar, take him at his word

Forever rebelling against the absurd

…the world made us sick…how can it heal us?”

• Every Time I Die / “Desperate Pleasures”

Spiritbox - Eternal Blue

I don’t have crushes.

I have writer crushes.

As a writer, I find inspiration from 2 types of writers - standard column writers, and singer/songwriters. Certain types of columns and song lyrics, those are the words I have always gravitated to for inspiration. So when I say that I have a “writer crush” on someone, that means that I have a crush on your lyrics or your style of writing.

Some of my writer crushes include:

COLUMNISTS

Bill Simmons/The Ringer: I started reading Bill Simmons in the early 2000s when he wrote for ESPN. He wrote about sports and pop culture in a humorous way that I had never seen before. As a kid, I had this vision in my head that in order to be a writer/columnist, I needed a Master’s Degree in Journalism/English, a typewriter, a surly attitude, and an alcohol addiction. Simmons’ writing showed me that writing doesn’t have to be uptight and serious all the time. Simmons’ style gave me hope that I one day I could become a writer. Simmons has since left ESPN and started his own site called The Ringer, a sports and pop culture website and podcast network. While Simmons focuses mostly on the podcast side, he has a talented team of writers providing content to the site. Writers like Rodger Sherman, Kevin Clark, and Rob Harvilla make The Ringer a regular read for me.

Peter King: In 2005, when I was toiling away at one of the first of many dull office jobs, I came across Peter King and his regular Monday Morning QB column for Sports Illustrated. Reading MMQB was better than any actual work I was supposed to be doing, as King wrote compelling and thoughtful articles about the NFL. King writes in an intelligent way that doesn’t make me feel dumb, and that’s something I have always appreciated. King left SI a few years ago, but still does his column for NBC Sports and is now called Football Morning in America. Someone once asked King for writing advice, and he gave 3 tips that I keep handy when I need that extra motivation:

1. When you’re stuck, don’t make a big deal of it, and don’t overthink. Write a sentence. Then write another one…brick by brick, your story will come together.

2. Always remember that you are the link between a story and the reader. Don’t get in the way. Be the storyteller. Think of the most important details of the story, and tell those. Then tell the lesser details. And keep going until you’ve told the story so that the reader will know as much as you do. That’s the goal.

3. When you can, walk away from the story when you’ve finished writing. Eat something. Play a video game. Watch TV for an hour. Then go back to the story and read it again. You will find 10 ways to either make it better or to correct a mistake.

Matthew Berry: Berry is best known for bringing fantasy sports to the mainstream, but he is also an accomplished writer for ESPN. His regular Love/Hate column is one of my favorite things to read, and I have used the format of that column and applied it to my posts. Berry is silly and self-deprecating, but inspirational as well. He once wrote a piece about taking a leap of faith that inspired me to propose to my now-wife. Like Simmons, Berry is an example that I don’t have to write a certain way to be successful.

Sara K. Runnels: Look at this, a writer that has nothing to with sports or music! Runnels is a copywriter/humor writer that started showing up in my Instagram feed. I enjoyed her posts immensely so I started following her. I love her writing style, and her sense of humor is amazing. Her experiences in dating and endless amounts of puns and wordplay keep me coming back for more. Her jokes brought me in, but her writing keeps me in. She’s definitely worth a read and a follow @omgskr

SINGER/SONGWRITERS

Eddie Vedder (Pearl Jam): Vedder was the first singer to make me care what they was singing about. Pearl Jam’s music made me an immediate fan, but Vedder’s lyrics is what really grabbed my attention. His words painted a clear picture of his experiences that I knew nothing about. He made me feel everything he felt:

“I know someday you’ll have a beautiful life

I know you’ll be a star in somebody else’s sky

But why, oh why can’t it be, can’t it be mine?”

- “Black”

“I don’t wanna take what you can give

I would rather starve than eat your bread

I would rather run, but I can’t walk

Guess I’ll lie alone just like before” - “Corduroy”

“Darkness comes before waves

Tell me, why invite it to stay?

You’re one with negativity

Yes, comfort is an energy

But why let the sad song play?”

- “Life Wasted”

Vedder is also an incredible storyteller. With songs like “Daughter,” “Better Man,” “Jeremy,” “Last Kiss,” “Elderly Woman…” you can just close your eyes, listen, and imagine the story in your head.

(Not all songs were easy to understand. I’m not going to pretend I knew wtf he was talking about in “Evenflow.” Good thing I had Opera Man to translate for me.)

Jesse Leach (Killswitch Engage/Times of Grace): I discovered KSE and Leach’s lyrics at a time when I really needed them. Songs about perseverance, positivity, frustration, and unity was something I desperately needed to hear at the time. I needed positive words of encouragement more than ever, and Leach’s lyrics gave me that. When I thought that no one in the world could ever understand how I felt, Leach was the first lyricist who proved me otherwise:

“Are we alive, or just breathing?

Don’t close your eyes, see the images” - “Just Barely Breathing”

“Come death, come suffering I will not live in fear

In this fleeting life where time escapes us

The path of least resistance is a slow, painful death

I’d rather burn out than fade away”

- “A New Awakening”

“Gather all your pain and suffering

Turn them into strength and weaponry

To overcome the enemy that’s in you

Come face to face

With a war that rages within you” - “Strength of the Mind”

“Holding on to something I know I can’t control

And I could not have it any other way…

Nothing changes in refusing to grow

Wisdom engages those who will grasp for something more”

- “Just Let Go”

“I keep making the same mistakes

Just to feel alive again” - “I am Broken Too”

You get the idea. Leach not only knows how I feel, but he can describe better than I ever could.

Howard Jones (Killswitch Engage/Light the Torch): Yes, another KSE singer! It’s tough to mention Leach as an inspirational lyricist without mentioning the former KSE vocalist, whose words are just as powerful as Leach’s. Listening to the KSE songs with Jones reminded me what great lyrics he wrote. Lyrics about struggle, despair and hope were littered everywhere in KSE, and I was happy to be right behind them with my pointy stick and garbage bag:

“Sleep brings release

And the hope of a new day

Waking the misery

Of being without you” - KSE “The End of Heartache”

“Imprisoned, inside this mind

Hiding behind the empty smiles…

Deeper I’m falling

Into the arms of sorrow

Building descending

Into the arms of sorrow”

- KSE “The Arms of Sorrow”

“I can never be all that you want from me

And I am broken, I will fail you constantly

Return to the way that you bleed for me

Return to the safety of disbelief” - Light The Torch “The Safety of Disbelief”

Light the Torch is Jones’ current band, and it doesn’t matter which group Jones is in, he will always have lyrics that I can relate to.

Corey Taylor (Slipknot/Stone Sour): Sometimes you find inspiration when you least expect it. I thought the singer from Slipknot had a cool voice, turns out his words are even better. When Taylor is angry, I live it. When he describes loves, I want it. When he explains pain, I understand it:

“I can’t remember, I don’t understand

Is it malice that makes you this way?

Carry it with you ‘til someone forgives you

I laugh ‘cause there’s nothing to say

You can’t begin to consider the palpable hate

In the air when you’re here

None of us wonder what weather you’re under

You’re making it perfectly clear”

- Slipknot “No Life”

“Bury all your secrets in my skin

Come away with innocence, and leave me with my sins

The air around me still feels like a cage

And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again” - Slipknot “Snuff”

“With my face against the floor

I can’t see who knocked me out of the way

I don’t want to get back up

But I have to, so it might as well be today

Nothing appeals to me, no one feels like me

I’m too busy being calm to disappear

I’m in no shape to be alone

Contrary to the shit that you might hear”

- Slipknot “XIX”

“I wish I had a reason

My flaws are open season

For this I gave up trying

One good turn deserves my dying…” - Stone Sour “Bother”

“It doesn’t really matter what you do or say

I’m never going anywhere anyway

‘Cause when I’m dying for you”

I’ve never felt so alive”

- Stone Sour “Song 3”

I mean, as I’m typing out the lyrics to Song #3 I’m listening to it on repeat, doing full blown karaoke in my living room. The fact that Taylor can write a love song as well he can write a suicide song is a testament to his talent.

Make me fall in love with your words, and I will fall in love with you.

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As I’m listening to the new Spiritbox album Eternal Blue, I notice that more and more of the lyrics are catching my attention. So I’m reading the lyrics along with the songs, and as each song passed I was more and more impressed with the words of singer/songwriter Courtney LaPlante. LaPlante checks off all the boxes of what I love about a singer/songwriter - personal, poetic, vulnerable, melodic, and a phenomenal voice. By “phenomenal,” I mean she can successfully sing clean and she can growl. Any female that is able to do that turns me on emotionally and spiritually.

But what makes her one of my new writer crushes is not only her lyrics, but they way she uses her words to tell a story. Personal anecdotes with unique imagery:

“I hope you find what you’re fighting for

I am happier when I hurt you

Your medicine is the coldest war

I am happier when I hurt you” - “Hurt You”

“And nobody waits for me but I know

Nobody takes from me what I grow

Secret garden, disregard my heart”

- “Secret Garden”

“Hands are frozen, feel no pain

I just wanna hold the flame” - “Circle With Me”

Eternal Blue is such a complete album; an album that is diverse in it’s beauty. I love every aspect of it. When you think it’s going in one direction, it goes in another. It zigs when you expect it to zag. Balanced is the one who can growl in your face (“Holy Roller”) and serenade you to sleep (“The Summit”). Rip your head off with one song (“Silk In The Strings”) and comfort you with you another (“Constance”). The melodies pair exquisitely with the death growls. Eternal Blue is a metal album for people who aren’t into metal.

Many albums feel laborious to listen to, but Eternal Blue is not one of those albums. Even with the mix of heavy and soft songs, it’s a smooth listen from beginning to end. The music is amazing, and LaPlante’s lyrics are making a strong case to be included in my list of writer crushes.

Let the music speak to you.

Let the words sing to you.

Times of Grace - Songs of Loss and Separation

My life has a soundtrack. And the soundtrack changes daily.

As my mood changes, so does the music.

When I’m happy I want everyone to know.

When I’m not, I don’t want anyone to know.

And that’s where the sad songs come in. I’ve always had a problem expressing my pain, anger, sorrow, frustration in healthy ways. I didn’t know how to. Never cared to learn until later in life. In rough times, I just kept to myself, not communicating anything going on in my life. Not being able to talk about my feelings made me feel so alone, like I was the only one struggling. Instead of taking about whatever was going on, I found solace in the sad songs. The sad songs were reassuring; they let me know that whatever I was down about - relationships, self-esteem, life in general - there was someone else who was going through the same thing. Or at least understood what I was going through. Finding a sad song that fit my mood was so comforting. That was the only way I knew how to process any of my emotions.

Before I got into the Seattle bands and metal, I was listening to bands like The Cure. I got my hands on my brother’s copy of Disintegration, and that album (along with a few others) made me realize that music would be my release; my way to process any emotion I had. At the time, it seemed like a blessing, being able to hide in my songs. But I sometimes wonder if it was actually a curse. I clung on to music to heal me instead of learning how to process emotions in healthier ways.

Both of my parents are going through health issues. My dad is 86 with a pacemaker and difficulty breathing without assistance. My mom is 80 and has Alzheimer’s. I fear that both don’t have much time left. Even though both of their respective health situations have been going on for years, I still have no idea how to process. I don’t know how to handle their mortality. I go see them and help as much as I can. My wife has been a great sounding board. And even though there’s not much I can do at this point to change either of their situations, I’m stuck feeling helpless.

I have made a lot of progress when it comes to processing feelings and emotions, but when I think of my parents I feel like I’m a lost little kid all over again, using music to cope. My wife and my brother have been great sounding boards, both have been more than supportive. But I still feel like I’m not doing any of this correctly.

Sometimes I feel like music saved my life. Sometimes I feel like music stunted my emotional growth.

But my music is a reflection of who I am. For better or for worse.

If I’m in a good place, the soundtrack is good.

If I’m in a bad place, the soundtrack gets a whole lot better.

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Times of Grace is a passion project of Adam Dutkiewicz, guitarist for metalcore trailblazers Killswitch Engage. While laying in a hospital recovering from emergency back surgery, an inspired Adam D wrote material for a bunch of songs. Former (at the time)/current Killswitch singer Jesse Leach was recruited to assist with vocals and lyrics, and the result was their debut album The Hymn of a Broken Man (2011).

After listening to Times of Grace, it’s easy to dismiss it as “Killswitch light.” After all, the core of the band are two guys from Killswitch, so that comparison is understandable. I certainly made that correlation. But Times of Grace is so much more than that. Both bands are thoughtful, uplifting, and therapeutic. The difference is, Killswitch has built an extensive fanbase with a certain sound. But with Times of Grace, they can push boundaries and expand their sound without being pigeonholed to one particular genre. Sure, you can hear the Killswitch in Times of Grace, but you also hear some pop and indie rock mixed in. Times of Grace is it’s own entity, blazing a path of their own.

The songs off of Songs of Loss and Separation cover everything from religion (“Far from Heavenless”) to love (“Rescue”) to faith (“The Burden of Belief”). “Bleed Me” starts off sounding similar to “Something in the Way” by Nirvana.

I think of my parents when I hear “To Carry The Weight” and “Cold,” since both songs are about death. Not exactly the same kind of death, but the sentiment is similar. Both tracks touch on someone dying, feeling like you could’ve done more, and realizing things will never be the same again.

Even though the subject matter of these tracks are heavy, the music itself is light. What I mean by that is that the music off Songs of Loss and Separation are not super fast, super heavy, or super loud. These songs are able to show their strength without being overly aggressive. These are the things I find beauty in.

The best songs elicit some sort of emotion from you, and the songs off Songs of Loss and Separation definitely made me feel.

“The sun will rise in tomorrow’s skies

You’ll find your way moving towards the light

If you believe that this too shall pass

And the pain will not last forever”

Times of Grace - “To Carry The Weight”

Gojira - Fortitude

Fortitude (noun): Mental and emotional strength in facing difficulty, adversity, danger, or temptation courageously.

The dictionary definition of “fortitude” got me thinking, did I display fortitude during my darkest and most difficult times in my life? Sure, I suppose there were many times that I did. But I recall many times where I felt like I just barely made it through.

I definitely felt like I showed fortitude by going back to college and earning my degree after dropping out 8 years prior.

Being forced to move on after a bad break-up? Not much fortitude shown then.

Sometimes I conquer. Sometimes I survive.

It doesn’t matter if I overcome an obstacle triumphantly or on my hands and knees, the point is that I got through it. Whether I scored a 100 or 70 on my exam is not important; the point is that I passed. That 100 sure feels great, but to me there are times when I felt more accomplished getting that 70. Countless amounts of difficult situations I never thought I’d make it through. But I did. And I’m a better man for it.

Barely surviving still counts as surviving.

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In a recent interview with Kerrang magazine, Gojira singer/guitarist/song writer Joe Duplantier explained that the point of Fortitude was to inspire people to be the best version of themselves and to be strong no matter what. Quite frankly, more people need their own version of Fortitude in their lives because there are way too many human beings showing only the worst version of themselves.

(But that’s neither here nor there😒)

The idea of being the best version of yourself is a novel idea. And it’s fitting that a band like Gojira inspire this type of philosophy, since they’ve been the best version of themselves for a long time. Together for over 20 years, Gojira continues to evolve and progress like every band (and human) should.

I got into Gojira right after L’Enfant Sauvage (2012) was released. I heard “Explosia” and the title track and I proceeded to lose my mind at how intense their sound was. Imagine a mix of thrash, progressive, and technical death metal. If I had a dating profile, those styles would be listed under “turn-ons.” So after wondering where has Gojira been all my life, I naturally went back and listened to some of their older songs and was even more impressed. It wasn’t until I decided to review this album that I went back and listened to every album in order from beginning to end, and as I’m working my way through their catalog I can hear the progression of their sound and songwriting. Terra Incognita (2001) and The Link (2003) were raw but promising. They started to hit their stride with From Mars to Sirius (2005) and The Way of All Flesh (2008), and really started to peak with L’Enfant Sauvage and Magma (2016). Fortitude is the result of the natural progression of Gojira’s creative direction, taking different aspects of their sound and enhancing it. There’s that fine line between having your sound/style, and expanding that for the sake of growth. Not many bands can straddle that line like Gojira.

For fans that like to be involved in the live show, Fortitude has an audience-participation AND a hands-in-the-air song. You’ll like “The Chant” if you’re into, well, chanting. If you’re into rad guitar riffs and stretching your arms, you’ll love “Into The Storm” as much as I do. My goodness that riff is so gosh darn delicious. If I look heavier than normal, it’s because I’ve been listening to that song on a loop. “Sphinx” is my air drum song. “Another World” was the first single released, and I’ll admit I wasn’t that into it at first. Then I heard “Born for One Thing” and that got me more excited. Then “Amazonia” kept the vibe going, and then I realized that with a band like Gojira, I can just trust them to release music that I love and keeps me engaged. I’m going to like certain songs more than others, but for the most part, I can trust Gojira.

In addition to tapping into your mental and emotional strength, Fortitude also touches on matters of the environment. Songs like “Amazonia” and “Hold On” addresses our problems with the environment, literally and metaphorically. Between Fortitude and the last Architects album speaking out about our problems with nature, I’m turning into a huge metal hippie. But that’s a good thing. Music is the best vehicle to relay a message to me, so if I learn about climate issues via music, so be it.

I’m looking forward to hearing these songs performed live when they come around with the Deftones. And I know the new tunes will sound great, because Gojira are one of the best live bands touring today. The first time I saw Gojira live was when they opened for Mastodon in 2014. They definitely commanded the crowd with their intensity and endless barrage of riffage. I ended up spending most of their set watching drummer Mario Duplantier destroy his drum kit. I have never seen a drummer be so technically and fundamentally sound, while at the same time looking like Animal from the Muppets. I was mesmerized the whole time.

Fortitude is good, right now I have it between The Way of All Flesh and Magma. It’s good but not as good as I hoped it would be. But that’s okay. Fortitude may not be the album I wanted to hear, but with all the messages of positivity and awareness, it was the album I need to hear.

“Now that you’ve dove down

Found the bottom begging for air

How sad, how long it takes us to rise and fight

Yeah you come out

You’re awake now

Put your fist in the air

You were hiding

Now you throw yourself

Into the storm”

• Gojira - “Into The Storm”

stopasianhate

I am an Asian American.

I have never experienced violence or physical assault due to my race.

I am fortunate. Many others are not.

Recently, a guy shot and killed 8 people at massage parlors in Atlanta, GA, 6 of whom were of Asian decent. Motive? He had an alleged addiction to sex, and since he was “deeply religious,” the only way to combat that sexual guilt is to murder the sex workers that cause temptation.

(Way to go Christianity!)

And when Asians aren’t being killed, they’re being harassed, assaulted, and violated. Anti-Asian hate crimes increased by nearly 150% in 2020. Apparently all Asians are to blame for COVID-19, so the solution for the lazy thinkers is to attack anyone who looks Asian. It’s infuriating, but what makes it worse is that these cowards target mostly Asian women and the elderly. Such tough guys, attacking Asian grandma from behind. Makes me wish I could escort every walking Asian at all times.

I’m sick of the violence against Asians, and if I see anyone even think about attacking any Asians near me I am turning into John Wick.

_________________________________________________________

Despite all the violence against minorities, I don’t think that most people are racist.

I think that most people think they’re funny.

Just because I have never been assaulted doesn’t mean I didn’t face challenges from being Asian American. My challenges were not physical, they were verbal. In the form of jokes. Thousands and thousands of jokes. Death by a million lame, hacky Asian jokes. And my attitude was, if you’re going to make an Asian joke, at least make it funny. And 99% of them were not. They were all the same tired jokes that I’ve either heard before or made myself. My name, my eyes, my skin, my food, my driving….you name it, I’ve heard it. I have a pretty good sense of humor, so if you’ve got a good joke (racist or not), I will laugh. Unfortunately, none of these jokes were funny. Occasionally the jokes were mean-spirited, but most of the time they were just dumb jokes that came from my peers, classmates and co-workers.

My parents are Thai, grew up in Thailand, and moved to the United States in the 1960s. They came to this country in search of a better life for themselves and my brother and I.

My parents worked their asses off to buy a convenience store, in order to earn money to invest in property, in order to provide for their children. I’ve been at the store when a customer would tell my parents to go back where they came from. I’ve heard people make fun of my parents’ English (which, for immigrants, was quite clear and understandable). I’ve heard just about every ignorant thing you can say about a minority.

But the one thing I never heard was my parents complain or retaliate against those people and their comments. They ignored it and just kept working. If either of them were hurt by such comments, they never showed it. To this day I don’t know if they heard so much ignorance that they’re numb to it, or if it really does hurt but don’t want to acknowledge it. Either way, they just kept grinding. It takes a lot of courage to leave your native country to move and start a new life in a new country that you barely speak the language of. And for that, I will always be grateful to them.

That being said, I will make a distinction between someone who physically assaults someone of a different race and someone who makes bad race jokes. I can tolerate a bad Asian joke, but I will in no way tolerate anyone laying a hand on an Asian.

The coronavirus is a sore throat compared to the virus known as racism. I don’t have the solution to eliminate bigotry and ignorance. When I was younger I used to (naively) think that racism will be gone when all the old white racists die off and become extinct like dinosaurs. The problem with that is, those racist dinosaurs are teaching their kids to hate, then their kids’ kids, and on down the line, passing their dumb beliefs down from generation to generation like bad jewelry.

All I can do is be the best person I can be, and to lead by example. I’m not going to bother trying to get an older racist person to not be racist anymore. I believe racism to be a sign of low intelligence, and combine that with being miserable and stubborn, and you get someone that will die filled with hate. But I want to believe we still have a chance to change the minds of young people, and the sooner that someone learns tolerance the better.

STOP ASIAN HATE.

“My friends are so distressed

And standing on the brink of emptiness

No words I know of to express

This emptiness”

Red Hot Chili Peppers - “My Friends”

Architects - For Those That Wish To Exist

I have a confession to make.

I haven’t been feeling great lately. Physically, mentally, and emotionally.

If I were an athlete, my box score would read:

Charlie Bodhi - day to day (knee, ankle, moody)

Nagging issues notwithstanding, I’ve also gained weight since the pandemic started, mostly because my gym closed and I couldn’t get myself motivated enough to put a home workout routine together. And my physical health directly affects my mental and emotional health. If my body is feeling shitty, most likely I am suffering mentally as well. I could punch and kick a heavy bag for 30 minutes, get it all, feel better, and move on. But I haven’t had that option in a year, and without an outlet the bad days are piling up in my head like garbage on the street during a sanitation union strike.

I feel like shit.

Eventually my unresolved personal issues lead to bigger global issues, and I start to think about all that is wrong in the world. And I feel hopeless, like there’s nothing I can do to help. Help myself or anyone else. I start to feel like no one understands.

Until I heard For Those That Wish To Exist.

_________________________________________________________________

For Those That Wish To Exist is the 9th studio album by British metalcore bad Architects. Maybe I should say former metalcore band Architects? They definitely have that sound in their earlier albums, but they have been inching away from that feel in the past couple records. Make no mistake about it, they may not be as sonically heavy, but they are no doubt lyrically heavy. Architects have always addressed serious issues, and FTTWTE is no different; songs about the human race and global environmental issues are covered from beginning to end. And these topics ran parallel to many of the things that I am feeling.

I first heard of Architects while listening to Liquid Metal, SiriusXM’s metal station. They played the song “Hereafter” off of their last album Holy Hell (2018), and I fell in love with it. Such a great song, and I never really heard of Architects before. I thought they were a new band, so imagine my surprise when I learned that they’ve been around since 2004. And this isn’t some bar band, Architects have had quite a following for a long time now. Which begs the question, how have I not heard of Architects until 2018?? I pride myself in knowing every single metal band that’s ever existed, how have these guys slipped through my cracks? Doesn’t matter, I know about them now. “Hereafter” lead to listening to and loving Holy Hell, and the rest is history.

Listening to FTTWTE at first was unusual. Normally at first listen I would just play to an album all the way through to get a feel for it musically, then go back and listen to any parts that stood out to me and catch some lyrics. But for this album, I couldn’t get through the album in one sitting; I kept having to pause and go back because a line or verse would stick out to me. Not that the music was bad, far from it. It was more about the lyrics standing out so much that I had to know what lead singer Sam Carter was saying.

Songs like “Black Lungs,” “An Ordinary Extinction” and “Meteor” allude to (in one way or another) climate change, our planet dying, and end of the world. Fun stuff right? It’s frustrating watching the Earth disintegrate before our eyes. This isn’t some issue that scientists and environmental activists will take care of, this is something everyone needs to help with. Which for numerous reasons is an impossibility, since most people appear to be in denial. It seems like those that care enough to do something about it are outnumbered by those who either don’t care or aren’t bright enough to see what’s going on. I’m no hippie tree-hugger, but I do believe that Mother Nature knows what it’s doing, and I believe every so often she needs to drop something like a pandemic on the human race to shine a light on all the damage we’re doing. Pollution. Greed. War. And also shown under that light are all the people who thought they’re smarter than science. And if the world were perfect, only those people that deny science would perish from their arrogance, victimized by Darwinism to it’s fullest power. But unfortunately viruses can affect anyone, even those who believe.

At this rate, the human race is not going to evolve much more than we already have. Some never have.

“Impermanence” (feat. Winston McCall/Parkway Drive), “Flight Without Feathers,” and “Dying is Absolutely Safe” touch on issues like mortality, life and death. When I was younger I used to think about death. A lot. Like, an unhealthy amount. I thought about death instead of making the most of life. I was not surrounded by death. I didn’t think about anyone’s mortality except my own, and more specifically wondering what the point of doing anything was when we’re all going to die eventually. Everything seemed pointless.

But then as I got older I started getting to a point where I said yeah, everything is meaningless if I see it that way, and that if I died tomorrow, my life would’ve really been pointless since I spent my entire existence finding some meaning. I didn’t want my way of thinking become a self-fulfilling prophecy. So then I started giving myself goals, spend more time doing things I enjoy, basically do anything to make my life worth something to me.

And now I do, my life has meaning and purpose. I have a great family. I have the best friends anyone can have.

I have a life to be proud of when I pass.

As McCall screams in “Impermanence”…cause those afraid to die will never truly live.”

With “Discourse is Dead,” the title says it all. We’ve lost civility in conversation. Was there ever a time when 2 people with different ideologies and beliefs could have an honest exchange without name-calling and personal attacks? I am as guilty of this as anyone else; any time I hear someone say something profoundly stupid or ignorant, my first instinct is to challenge their intelligence (or lack thereof). But then at that point I am no better than the other side, so I have to consciously check myself. Where is this person coming from? What happened in their lives for them to feel this way? Let’s face it, some people are going to have opinions and beliefs that are so amazingly dumb that no amount of empathy can justify. But no matter how much I disagree I try my hardest to empathize. They deserve that courtesy. We all do.

“Dead Butterflies” and “Animals” both hit close to home since they’re about personal struggle and finding happiness. Not everything in the past year has been so bad - I haven’t been sick, I wasn’t around strangers for extended periods of time, I got to mouth whatever I wanted to while walking through Target with mask on (everything from “hurry the fuck up” to strangers, to lip syncing Britney Spears songs #freebritney), and I’m reading books at an unprecedented pace.

But everything else sucks. I wanna see my family. I wanna see my friends. I want to go to my gym. I want to go to fucking concerts! All that plus frustratingly watching selfish dummies have a great time with their loved ones and act like they’re smarter than science are all catching up to me. (Not to mention that I am considered so non-essential that I won’t be be eligible to get the vaccine until summer of 2023).

“Dead Butterflies” might be the darkest track on the album, which explains why it’s my favorite (right on brand). Drummer/songwriter Dan Searle said of the song: “This song is about how illogically hard it is to cultivate happiness in the modern world.” Tell me about it, Dan. And he’s not just talking about COVID either, shit’s been fucked up long before COVID and will be long after. I’m extremely fortunate that I have wonderful, supportive people around me that can put the ground back beneath my feet. People that can put the blossom back on my flower. People that can help me find myself when I get lost.

It’s been awhile since I heard an album that I felt this connected to. It was like I ran into an old friend that I hadn’t seen in awhile, and while we talk and catch up we learn that we have the same problems and are both going through the same things. And something like that is really important to me, because one of my many issues is that sometimes I don’t feel like anyone would understand what I’m going through, that my problems are unique and only apply to me. Which is absurd, because my issues are more or less the same as anyone else’s.

If you want to hear a heavy metalcore Architects album, For Those That Wish To Exist is not for you. You can listen to any of their other albums for that. I’m not one of those guys who aren’t into a band once they change their sound. Whether it’s acoustic or heavy AF, a good song is a good song. And For Those That Wish To Exist is an album full of great songs.

Songs that make you reflect about the past.

Songs that make you think about the present.

Songs that make you worry about the future.

“I do my best, but everything seems ominous

Not feeling blessed, quite the opposite

This shouldn’t feel so monotonous

It never rains, but it pours”

• Architects - “Animals”

Foo Fighters - Medicine at Midnight

Dave Grohl has been a part of my life since 1991, when he joined Nirvana. Grohl is only one of a handful of musicians who have been consistently in my life since my adolescence (I would put only Eddie Vedder/Pearl Jam as a bigger influence). And while I expected Pearl Jam to be a regular part of my life, I didn’t expect the drummer of Nirvana to carry much significance in my world. Nirvana (and the other Seattle bands that exploded in the early ‘90s) were so important to me, and I saturated myself in their world - bought every CD, read every article, consumed every interview. I was devastated by the news of Kurt Cobain’s suicide, and I felt so close to that scene that I was determined to follow the former members in whatever their next endeavors were. I don’t remember exactly how I found out, but I saw that Grohl was going to start a new band called Foo Fighters. I didn’t need to hear a single note, I was going to trust that a member of one my favorite bands was going to continue to release music that I was going to love. So I bought the self titled debut (1995) sight unseen (listen unheard?), not sure what to expect. Certainly I wasn’t expecting the Nirvana drummer to now be the lead singer/guitarist of this new band, nor was I expecting him to write and record all the parts himself. Turns out this Grohl fellow is really talented. “Foo Fighters” turned out to be a really great album that I would play on a regular basis. Then Grohl would add regular members and release “The Colour and the Shape” (1997), a masterpiece of a record that is still one of my favorites to this day. Foo Fighters are one of the few bands that I completely trust.

Foo Fighters would continue to release albums on a regular basis, full of songs you’ve all heard many times before. In a world full of unreliability, Foo Fighters have been one of the bands that I could truly depend on. How many bands today that have been around for 25+ years are still relevant? I have a legit fear that by the time I become a senior citizen the only rock bands I will be listening to are the same ones I’m listening to today. Which is fine by me, but I wonder if there is going to be another generation of bands after this one. Pardon my elderly pessimism, but I’m not hearing a lot of new bands today that make me think they’re in it for the long haul. Don’t get me wrong, there is plenty of new good rock music out today, but how many of those artists are going to be still around in 10, 20, 30 years? Do bands even want to be around that long? We have never had more creative options and outlets as we do today, so why stick with one project for longer than you have to/want to? Here I go being cranky old man again, but I feel bad for kids today. Are there going to be bands that my son will be excited to turn me on to?

There’s a thing that happens in pro wrestling, where companies trot out their superstars of yesteryear to deliver some nostalgia and grab some ratings. Who wouldn’t want to see their favorite wrestler on TV again? Taking that trip down memory lane is great and all, but we don’t have great memories if we don’t have indelible moments in the present. If we don’t sow seeds now, there won’t be any plants to reap in the future. Wrestling organizations wouldn’t have to resort to bringing back superstars long past their prime for ratings if they spent more time and energy developing their current performers into must-see acts today. I can find matches of my favorite childhood wrestlers any time, but are there any present wrestlers that make fans want to rune in on a regular basis? By how often they have “Legends Night,” I would say no. Same thing with bands, are there any current bands that are good enough to last and make me want to listen to them in the future? Or am I going to be forced to be cranky grandpa that only listens to old Foo Fighters albums?

Only time will tell.

Bands like Foo Fighters may the last of a dying breed.

______________________________________________________________________________

“Medicine at Midnight” is the 10th studio album released by Foo Fighters. In an Instagram Live interview with the Washington Post, Grohl stated that this album was meant to be a celebration of their 10th album and 25(ish) years being a band, so they wanted to make a big fun album with a bunch of songs that was meant to be played in large areas on a huge tour. Well, they recorded a big fun album, but obviously the tour had to be put on hold because of a certain pandemic (not naming names). Sure, I know this now but initially it took me awhile to figure out what was going on with this album. The first time I heard their first single “Shame Shame” was on Saturday Night Live, and I thought it was…interesting. Catchy song, but didn’t sound like normal Foo. I would hear the song more and more, and it would grow on me each time. Now I’m at a point where I’m walking around humming “…duh duh, shame, duh duh duh….shame, duh duh, shame…duh duh duh, shame…” It’s been delightfully annoying.

Then they released “No Son of Mine,” another catchy number. Just when I think I know the direction this album after hearing the first two tracks, they release “Waiting on a War,” a song where the inspiration was preceded by a conversation between Grohl and his daughter Harper, who innocently asked dad if there was going to be a war soon. Yeah, that’s not big and fun and bouncy. Maybe this isn’t the dance record I thought it was going to be. Then “Medicine at Midnight” came out, and other than “Waiting on a War” and the slow ditty “Chasing Birds,” the album is quite full of fun, groovy tunes. When you hear songs like “Holding Poison,” the title track, and “Cloudspotter,” you can’t help but bounce your head.

I wouldn’t call “Medicine at Midnight” a traditional “dance” record; think more along the lines of the last Queens of the Stone Age record “Villains” - a album full of fun, bouncy songs by a band with punk rock sensibilities. This is the kind of album that makes doing chores much more fun while listening. This is the kind of album you bond with your pop-obsessed daughter with. This is the kind of album that gives you hope for the future.

Thanks to Dave Grohl and Foo Fighters, I will always have something great to listen to when I’m old.

“The road to hell is paved with good intentions

Dark inventions of mine

The road to hell is paved with with broken parts

Bleeding hearts like mine”

• FF “Chasing Birds”

The Top (COVID-) 19 of 2020 - Best in Music

Wow, what a year 2020 was eh? I’m not going to get into you-know-what and you-know-who, I’ve had enough of that nonsense for one lifetime. While the end of the world was happening, it’s easy to overlook that a lot of great music came out this year. When it comes to checking out new music, I’ve had an abundance of time.

Below are my favorite music moments from this past year. Top 19 moments, to be exact:

1. August Burns Red - Guardians: ABR is one of those bands that I were always on my radar but never got super into them. But at the same time, every time I heard a new song from them, I enjoyed it. I really started to get into them when they released their last album Phantom Anthem (2017). There’s a song on the album called “Invisible Enemy”, and not only is that song an absolute banger, the lyrics really spoke to me at the time. Specifically the first two lines:

   “Wounded and tired and worried / It’s like fighting an invisible enemy”

   From that point, I was in. I was struggling at my job at the time, my confidence was shaken and it really felt like I was fighting an invisible enemy. I latched onto this song so much that I had two sticky notes above my monitor at work; one had ‘invisible enemy’ on it and ‘be scared or be brave’ on the other (the latter being another lyric in the song). Having those notes in my sightline helped me power through any fears and insecurities I had at the time.

   While Guardians doesn’t have a stand-out song like Invisible Enemy, it is still a fantastic album. Not a surprise though, ABR consistently writes great tunes, especially when you consider metalcore to be relatively inconsistent. “Bones,” “Defender,” and “Empty Heaven” are my favorite tracks, and if you like those songs you’ll most likely be into their other songs too. And their Christmas Burns Red livestream show was pretty killer. And they even did a fun cover of “Chop Suey!”

   speaking of heavy af bands from Pennsylvania…

2. Code Orange - Underneath/Under the Skin: Not one, but two releases this year from Pittsburg’s finest hardcore band. Code Orange is an assault on all your senses, from their sound to the energy of their live show. They got my attention on their last full album Forever (2017), and they stepped up their game with Underneath, a monstrous sounding album that goes in a million different directions. And if a normal album wasn’t enough, they also released a live acoustic album Under the Skin, which shows a different perspective on their songs but doesn’t take away from their brutality. Acoustic versions of all their songs, plus a solid cover of “Down in a Hole” by Alice in Chains. Underneath is definitely not for everyone, but Under the Skin is much more digestible if you want to check them out.

   And if two albums weren’t enough for your greedy asses, they also did a full production livestream show (Back Inside the Glass) that absolutely resulted in multiple aneurysms to anyone who watched it.

   So if you’re counting at home, that’s two albums, a full livestream show, and a bunch of new merch that I may or may not have invested in. Code Orange are without a doubt one of the hardest working bands out there today, and that DIY attitude allows them to do everything from writing a scary af entrance theme for the Fiend (Let Me In) to having Corey Taylor feature on The Hunt. I’m all in on Code Orange.

   speaking of Corey Taylor….

3. Corey Taylor - CMFT: You can read my review of CMFT here. The Slipknot and Stone Sour singer had himself quite a year. I listened to CMFT again recently in my car, and I was blown away how rad the drums sound, especially on “HWY 666” and “Culture Head.” Those are definitely air drumming songs.

   And yes, Taylor also did a livestream of his own called “Forum or Against ‘Em” that was recorded at, you guessed it, the Forum in LA. Between the solo album, the livestream show, and his contributions to NXT, dude is keeping busy.

   speaking of NXT…

4. The music of NXT - For those of you that have outgrown pro wrestling, NXT is a sub brand of WWE. If WWE is the major leagues, NXT is considered the minor leagues. NXT has the far superior brand, but I’ll go down that rabbit hole another time. Not only is the wrestling and story telling in NXT better, but the music is in a league of it’s own. Slipknot’s “All Out Life” is the theme song of the show. They have bands like Code Orange perform entrance songs live. Rhea Ripley has a killer entrance song. And check out this clip of Poppy singing Io Shirai’s entrance at Halloween Havoc. The clip is only like a minute and a half long, but there are at least a dozen things in it that turn me on. And it’s not like Shirai needed another great entrance, her normal entrance theme was already the best.

   Between the quality of wrestling and the musical direction, NXT is the future.

   speaking of bands and pro wrestling….

5. Every Time I Die - “A Colossal Wreck”/”Desperate Pleasures”/”AWOL”: The only thing better than watching ETID guitarist Andy Williams wrestle as “The Butcher” on AEW is getting new ETID tunes. “A Colossal Wreck” and “Desperate Pleasures” were released at the same time, and “AWOL” was released to those who bought their Tidathon livestream show, which was quite possibly the most entertaining livestream of the year. (If you didn’t see it, I can’t explain it to you). Anyway, the new songs are rad and it sounds like we’re getting a full album in 2021. I’ve been a fan since Gutter Phenomenon (2005) and their energy is infectious. Plenty of bands have the same metcalcore-like sound but few do it better than ETID.

   speaking of metalcore-related artists…

6. Machine Head (feat. Jesse David Leach) - “Stop the Bleeding”: One of favorite singers teamed up with one of my favorite thrash bands and released a stand-alone single, which was inspired by the George Floyd murder and ensuing protests. I’ll admit, I never imagined that JDL and Robb Flynn (MH singer/guitarist) would come together for a song, but I’m glad they did. That’s one of the many things that I love about the heavy metal community, people come together when a issues arises (especially one as important as social justice), artists come together and make their voices heard. The song is good, but I was more impressed at how they viewed the importance and urgency to put this song out as soon as they could.

   speaking of Machine Head-related artists…

7. Echoes of Reckoning - “The Permanent Decay”: EoR is a project of sorts of former Machine Head guitarist Phil Demmel featuring former Machine Head drummer Dave McClain, Megadeth bassists Dave Ellefson, and Bleeding Through vocalist Brandan Schieppati. All artists I am familiar with, and a big fan of, so naturally this song destroys. Not sure what Demmel has planned for EoR, but I’m hoping more songs like this one. I’m a big fan of Schieppati and Bleeding Through, an Orange County band that I have been following since I reviewed Portrait of The Goddess for Keeper Magazine.

   speaking of OC bands…

8. Cerebellion - Beyond Our Failures: You can read my full review of Beyond Our Failures here. I don’t really have anything else to add, except that Cerebellion are going to be working hard on a lot of cool things in 2021, so stay tuned.

   speaking of sexy hardworking artists…

9. Taylor Swift - Folklore: For reasons still unknown, I did a full review of this album. Since that review, she released another album called Evermore. I didn’t hear the whole album, but the parts I did hear definitely had the Folklore vibe. Still, cranking out two albums of solid tunes in less than a year is impressive. As someone trying to create content on a regular basis, I respect the hustle.

   speaking of talented pop stars…

10. Miley Cyrus - “Just Breathe”: So I didn’t know MTV Unplugged was still a thing until I heard that Miley did a whole acoustic set this year, and one of the songs she covered was “Just Breathe” by Pearl Jam. “Just Breathe” is one of my favorite PJ songs, and it’s one of those songs I get real protective of, just because it’s so beautiful and I would hate to hear anyone besmirch it in any way. But I’ll be damned if I didn’t enjoy her version of it. There’s something about her voice, distinct and full of range. Miley is legit, I’m a fan.

    speaking of Pearl Jam…

11. Pearl Jam - Gigaton: If you didn’t know Pearl Jam was my favorite band, then hi nice to meet you! Ten came out when I was in junior high, I heard “Evenflow” for the first time and I have been hooked ever since. We all have our favorite bands, but PJ was the first band I LOVED. They’re my Grateful Dead. They’re my Bruce Springsteen. They’re my Dave Matthews Band.

    Yes of course I’m biased, but PJ is one of the most consistently great bands today. I mean, you’d have to be if you’ve been relevant for 30 years right? You can count on your hands the number of rock bands that can still fill arenas, so I that tells me I’m not the only PJ fangirl walking around.

    Gigaton is probably my favorite PJ album since the self titled one (2006), just enjoyable from beginning to end. PJ knows when to be fun (“Superblood Wolfmoon”), when to experiment a little (“Dance of the Clairvoyants”), and when to be serious about the issues they’re passionate about (“Seven O’Clock”). I want that riff from “Quick Escape” on repeat all day. Listen to this version of “River Cross”, and if doesn’t move you in any way, then we probably can’t be friends.

    speaking of albums named after units of measurement…

12. Deftones - Ohms: My full review of Ohms can be found here. The more I listen to this album, the more I love it. They rescheduled their tour for 2021, and I’ll take as many COVID vaccines as I need to to go see them live again.

    speaking of Deftones…

13. Deftones - Black Stallion: To celebrate the 20th (20th!!!) anniversary of the release of White Pony, they reissued the album along with a remix version called Black Stallion. There’s no shortage of artists who name White Pony as one of their favorite albums, and with good reason. White Pony was a game changer, an album universally respected by musicians of all genres.

    I was curious how those songs would sound remixed by different artists. Some songs I liked more than others, but overall it was cool to hear each artist’s take on each track. My favorites are DJ Shadow’s take on “Digital Bath,” Paul Salva remixing “Rx Queen,” and the Mike Shinoda version of “Passenger.”

    Like most electronic music, Black Stallion is best after consuming your favorite mind-adjusting substance.

    speaking of black stallions…

14. Cardi B (feat. Megan Thee Stallion) - “WAP”: There’s no other song I love rapping more than this one. It’s a little disconcerting that this song taught me that I’ve been doing sex wrong this whole time. Oh well, doesn’t matter. It would be an honor to have either Cardi or Megan laugh my ass out of the bedroom.

    Also, “macaroni in a pot” makes me giggle every time.

    speaking of rap….

15. Run The Jewels - RTJ4: There wasn’t a more important album released this year than RTJ4, the soundtrack of social unrest. RTJ4 was dropped right in the middle of all the protests, and the only thing more impressive than the relevancy of the lyrics is the fact that most, if not all of it was written in 2019. RTJ4 is a reminder that racial injustice, biased media, and political corruption was happening long before 2020.

    I was never into politics too much, but it’s hard to ignore what’s going on in this country today. Rage Against the Machine were the first band to teach me to fact check my history books, and it’s no surprise that Zack de la Rocha is on this album (“JU$T”). I learned a lot more from RATM and RTJ than I did in any political science class. I say we start teaching history through beats and rhymes, and the first lesson should be taught by Run The Jewels.

    speaking of great artists from Atlanta…

16. Mastodon: Mastodon had a pretty busy year. They released an album of random tracks called Medium Rarities. They had a song on the Bill and Ted Face the Music (“Rufus Lives”). They had a pretty funny cooking show on YouTube (shout out to Chef Troyaredee!), and they did a cool livestream for the Adult Swim Festival. Whatever Mastodon does, I’m in.

    speaking of Troy Sanders bands…

17. Killer Be Killed - Reluctant Hero: KBK is a supergroup featuring Troy Sanders (Mastodon/bass/vocals), Greg Puciato (Dillinger Escape Plan/vocals/guitar), Max Cavalera (Soulfly/vocals/guitar), and Ben Koller (Converge/drums). God damn that’s an impressive lineup. And while I like their first album more, Reluctant Hero still hits heavy. And groovy. To me, KBK have their own sound; they don’t sound like a traditional mix of each member’s respective band. “Inner Calm from Outer Storms” is not only one of my favorite tracks, but also the name of my favorite essential oil. “Deconstructing Self-Destruction” is the name of my future TED Talk. This “side” band is better than most full time bands.

    speaking of Greg Puciato…

18. Greg Puciato - Child Solider: Creator of God/Fuck Content: Here’s another dude who had a busy year. The end of Dillinger Escape Plan (for now?) didn’t stop Puciato from cranking out content. New Killer Be Killed album, new solo album Child Soldier: Creator of God, and subsequent livestream/album Fuck Content. Dillinger Escape Plan is good but abrasive and definitely not for everyone, so I would suggest if DEP is too much for you, try listening to Child Soldier instead. Puciato isn’t just a screamer, dude can sing pretty well. Imagine DEP without all the chaos and with some Nine Inch Nails-like vibes. If you want to save some time, check out Fuck Content, which has the live versions of Child Solider songs plus 5 other new tracks. “Absence as a Presence” and “Lying at the Bottom of the Sky” stand out, but basically both releases are worth a listen, whether you’re a DEP fan or not. I’d suggest watching the Fuck Content livestream if you are able to, Puciato knows how to do a live show.

    speaking of livestream shows…

19. Lamb of God - Lamb of God: Last but not least, we’re at Lamb of God. Unfortunately I missed their livestream, but I plan on seeing them tour for this album. Lamb of God is the first album with new drummer Art Cruz. Nothing against previous drummer Chris Adler, but Cruz’s drumming on this album really stood out to me. Not that I could keep up in any way shape or form, but it’s fun air drumming these songs. Drumming aside, the songs are standard fare for LOG, you know what you’re getting at this point. And few metal bands do it better than LOG. I’m also looking forward to digging into singer D. Randall Blythe’s book Dark Days. Stay tuned…

And there you have it, all the music that kept me alive and sane in 2020.

Here’s to live concerts in 2021.

Here’s to supporting your favorite artists.

As Robb Flynn would say…Cheers fuckers, cheers!

Cerebellion - Beyond Our Failures

Happy Cerebellion Day!

If you didn’t know, Cerebellion released their new album today 11/11, which also happens to be National Metal Day. What a coincidence! And what better way to celebrate the new Cerebellion album Beyond Our Failures than with an album review. Not only a review, but an exclusive interview with guitarist John Arnold. I caught up with John, and this is how our conversation went:

CB: First of all, congratulations on the new album! Cerebellion released one song (off of Beyond Our Failures) at a time throughout this year. How did that idea come about?

John: Thanks! I was observing Spotify, and how people were consuming music nowadays. I saw the singles and playlists and realizing consistent content is the name of the game, it’s not enough to just drop an album every few years. That’s an old model at this point. So Spotify and streaming had a lot to do with it. And the idea that every song gets a chance. 

CB: So have you gotten feedback from people about that, did people like it? Is this something that people prefer?

John: That’s an interesting question, because we didn’t really ask people about it. We’ve gotten a lot of feedback from the songs, but not the way it was presented. We’re planning on recording a couple songs next year (2021), we’re going to write and record more music, maybe some covers. 

CB: Have you been keeping up to date with your streaming numbers? How are the new songs doing?

John: Yeah, they’re doing well. I look at Spotify, I don’t really look at anything else. I’m guessing that Spotify is our leading streaming platform, it’s doing really well, its consistent. It’s great, its been an effective strategy. Its still a tough game, getting your music heard. And we’ve been getting feedback online with the videos.

CB: Back to your streaming numbers, were you surprised by anything you saw? For instance, were you shocked that one song had way more streams that another had? Were you looking for anything in particular?

John: There were some surprises, I would say Redemption did pretty well, lots of likes and added to a lot of playlists. The percentage of likes per listeners was really high. We love that song but it’s not as predictably acceptable as like say, Now or Never. People seem to really like Redemption, we love the song but we were surprised so many others did too.

CB: Beyond Our Failures is your 3rd album, was there anything about the writing and recording process for this record that was different than the other 2?

John: When we were writing Regeneration (2015), Joe (Arnold, singer/twin brother) had left the band so Marc (Battung, bass/beard) and I wrote most of that album. Marc was really involved when we started writing (Regeneration). This time around, it was more Joe and I. Joe quit his job to focus more on the band, so he and I were grinding it out. Johnny (Arnold, John’s son/musical prodigy) was involved as well with a couple songs, and Joe did most of the drums in the demoing process. 

CB: I’ve heard the album a few times, and I found certain themes throughout (finding true happiness, seizing the day, speaking up). I know that you guys write from a personal place, but I noticed that these lyrics and content and themes are also relevant to what’s going on in the world as well. Was it a conscious effort for you guys to do that? Or was it more of a coincidence?

John: I would say its conscious. generally that’s where Joe writes from, he’s very interested in social issues.. We have worked together close together on lyrics, he obviously writes most of the lyrics but I have input too. I always come at it from a more personal angle, and he comes more from a more social perspective. I mean, the band is called Cerebellion, that’s kind of our theme. What we try to do, the lyrics can be perceived both ways, or a multitude of ways but if you can listen to the song and it means something personal but another hears a social message then that’s what we try to do.

CB: Yeah that stood out to me, because I know a lot if not all of the album was written before Covid-19 and all the social justice issues were going on, so I thought was interesting how it all tied together.

John: Yeah we were tripping off that, how the songs relate to what people are going through now. Not just with Covid, but with the tensions that people have been experiencing this year.

CB : Question about Struggle for the Soul. Instrumental track, right in the middle of the album. Is there a reason for that? Is it a bridge track? Was it meant to be instrumental?

 John: Yeah that song was pretty deliberate. It was something that kinda came about from a jam, derived at the end of Redemption, and we were kinda like “why don’t we make it its own thing as an instrumental interlude?” It is after Redemption right? (editor’s note: it is!) and it was a prefect break before we slam back into the brutality of No Space for Silence. Other than that song (No Space for Silence) and the last track (Up From The Dust), the whole album is just hitting the whole time, so it was just a good opportunity to have little breaks. If you’re listening to the album beginning to end it just kinda flows. 

CB: Yeah No Space for Silence is pretty heavy. It’s quite a monster so you definitely need some foreplay before going into that song.

John: Haha exactly.

CB: Who produced this album? 

John: His name is Chris Eck, he produced Regeneration as well. He produced one of our songs called A Better Version, that was our first time working with Chris. He’s worked with Haster (local metal band friends), that’s how we found out about him and after he did A Better Version we wanted keep working with this guy. Joe and I were involved too (in the production), but it was mostly Chris. We definitely trust him to give us a third pair of ears. He’s definitely got a producers’ brain.

CB: At what point in the album process is the producer decided? 

John: Good question, early enough so you can book him. I felt like for me, I wanted Chris from the get go. Even when we were just talking about starting to write. It ended up being more or less unanimous.

CB: Is it as simple as “we liked how he did Regeneration, lets get him for Beyond Our Failures as well?”

John: Yeah pretty much, he’s just dope and not only that, not only is the final product dope but he’s a great guy to work with too. 

CB: I follow the band on all the socials, and there was a recent post on Instagram that said half jokingly that the band almost breaks up during every new album. All jokes are based in some truth, so how true was it this time around for Beyond Our Failures?

John: Yeah that’s kind of a joke but its kinda not. I mean, it’s mostly just Joe and I. And our twin brother tension. You’re familiar, you know.

CB: I may have seen some examples of that a few million times before, yes.

John: Yeah so we actually started writing further back. We started writing sometime in 2017, took a break because we were doing shows that year, then resumed in 2018. And then he quit his job, he built a studio, then we got real serious about finishing up the writing recording and demoing. But to answer your question, it’s the same issues with Joe and I, trying to learn how to work together as adults (editor’s note: they’ve been legal adults for 24 years now). Trying to overcome that childhood dynamic, it’s hard to do. 

CB: And maybe one day, you and Joe will get it right.

John: And even if it wasn’t my twin brother, if you’re working that closely with someone for hours and days and weeks and months and years, it’s going to be hard. This is our passion. We both have really strong opinions. I had a couple meltdowns, a couple times I was straight out like, I don’t know if I can keep doing this. I like to think that we’re catching our groove. Like we realize that through it all, we have something special. I don’t know if the tension adds to it, or the honesty. It’s being totally blunt and honest about our feeling about what we’re coming up with, which is where the bruised egos and hurt feelings come from. Hopefully that adds to the process.

CB: Is the issue always with you and Joe, or does say, Marc get frustrated at you? Does Jimmy (Schultz, drummer/wall of arms and hair) butt heads with Joe? Are the other 2 involved in that, or just you and Joe?

John - Yeah its mostly me and Joe. I don’t know for sure, but apparently that’s why Joe quit in 2012, he was like “fuck this guy” (meaning John). And I almost quit numerous times. But I do think we have something special. If we can just get through those ugly moments it’ll be alright.  

CB: But it comes from a place of love and a place of passion.

John: For sure.

CB: So did you have songs written that didn’t make the album?

John: No, we had riffs and parts that weren’t developed. We had a song on Inalienable (2010) that was demoed, and basically done musically but it didn’t fit the album. But yeah we’re too slow to have the luxury of extra songs to choose from. 

CB: You mean you’re not sitting on an extra 47 songs like Justin (Schulze, The Even Order)?

John: Ha, no definitely not. We barely write enough to be considered an album on Spotify.

CB: It was hard enough to squeeze out these 8 tracks.

John: Exactly.

CB: Earlier you mentioned that you’re planning to record a couple songs in 2021. What else does the band have planned for next year? What is Cerebellion’s approach to 2021? 

John: Yeah funny you should ask, we’ve been thinking about it. Lots of question marks, we’re thinking about trying to do something in the summer of 2021, at least our own 2-3 week tour. Which is gonna be tough, with the circumstances there are a lot of un knowns. We’d like to do a lot more than that, but we just don’t know what is gonna be possible.

CB: Would you jump on someone else’s tour, is that an option too?

John: Yeah totally, depends on the circumstances but yes. Not so much who the band is, just the circumstances. We’re gonna focus on recording the new songs, and in the meantime try to plot and game plan for a little tour, but if that can’t happen, because of Covid or whatever, then we’re gonna talk about getting into the livestreaming game. 

CB: Hey everyone’s doing it!

John: Yeah we’re trying to figure out how to do it without a big budget, but we’re only in the brainstorming phase now.

CB: Yeah because you guys know a lot of talented audio visual people like Justin (Schulze) and Ian (Mora, Smash Standard Cinema), so I’m sure they have ideas.

John: Yeah for sure. I think what we really need is a good sound guy.

CB: So I’ve heard the album a few times, and I was a big Now or Never guy, but I’ve been way into No Space for Silence lately. It just sounds so beefy, it blew me away. The breakdown at the end with you and Marc and Jimmy, it turns me on so much. 

John: Oh thanks man, I know, that part was wild! Man, I’m already pumped on the stuff we’re working on now. Dude, it’s heavy, it’s sick, it’s definitely a new realm for us. And it continues where it left off but goes further.

CB: Yeah I can’t wait to hear it. Congrats again on Beyond Our Failures!

John: Thanks, this is the best interview I’ve ever done!

(editor’s note: that’s not really how the interview ended, but John and I spent the last 10 minutes of the interview stroking each other and got off track so we just kinda ended abruptly. But if I were a professional interviewer, I’m sure that’s how the end of the interview would’ve concluded.)

---

John touched on something in our interview that I thought was interesting. Earlier this year, Cerebellion began releasing songs via video (official and lyric) one by one, every 6 weeks, leading up to the release of Beyond Our Failures on 11/11. I asked John about it, and he basically said that this is the new model nowadays. The way music is consumed nowadays is different than 10, 20 years ago. It’s less about full albums and more about singles and likes and playlists and stream numbers. I love me an album full of songs, but I reluctantly agree to what John says. In an age where every song you can imagine is online, the idea of releasing one collection of songs every few years is starting to become antiquated (if it isn’t already). And I’ll admit, that kinda bums me out. There’s a particular joy I get from listening to an album all the way through, from beginning to end. Even if some of the songs suck, I want to hear the album the way it was meant to be heard. I’ve put together a few playlists in my day, and I spend way too much time thinking about which order the songs go in. So I can image what a band and producer go through when putting an actual album together.

(Cut scene to me yelling at kids to get off my lawn, telling them to stop listening to shitty music, while my arms are full of CDs and vinyl records)

Here’s the thing about Beyond Our Failures; it doesn’t matter how you consume these songs. Whether it’s all at once, in order all the way through, or individually. There is no wrong way to hear these songs. The songs hold up on their own, but to me they’re better as a unit. Like Voltron. Yes, each individual song bangs on it’s own, but when you put them all together? Now you have a super metal robot. A huge riff-filled, head-banging beast.

Musically, the sound of Beyond Our Failures is some of the heaviest stuff that I’ve heard Cerebellion do. Get your Spanish guitar fix with Before the Storm before you enter the storm that is Through Darkness. Now or Never is an absolute banger, a definite air drumming song. Plus with part in the middle that I love screaming in my car. Someone’s American Dream is the perfect song to blast from your car after your last day at your shitty job. No need for redemption on Redemption, that song has nothing to atone for. Struggle for the Soul is the aforementioned foreplay before the BDSM of No Space for Silence. When I say No Space for Silence has a beefy breakdown, I’m not kidding. I don’t kid about shit like that. And there’s few things I love more than a beefy breakdown. My favorite thing to order from Taco Bell is the grande beefy breakdown. When I was overweight and emotionally unstable, I would have beefy breakdowns. That’s how seriously I take it. And last but not least is Up From The Dust, the ideal song to listen to in your refractory period after getting brutalized by No Space for Silence. A lovely acoustic jam that shows that they can make love just as well as they fuck. The beginning has a little Pink Floyd/Behind Blue Eyes vibe, and the whole tune is a beautiful end to the album.

Lyrically, is it hyperbole if I say Beyond Our Failures had a profound effect on me personally? Possibly, but I’ll let some of the songs explain:

• Now or Never: the title says it all; if I can’t get my shit together to write during a pandemic, I never will - it’s now or never. The line “Cant wait forever anymore, change must come now or never” is so fitting, and something I needed to hear.

• Someone’s American Dream: to quote the band, this song is “an intimate look at the experience of having to choose between a path of financial stability and pursuing one’s deepest passions and the structures that make this dilemma a reality for so many.” Yes, a reality for so many, including me. It’s a question I’ve been asking myself for so long - how long do I have to tolerate a soul-crushing dead end job before I start following my passions? “What’s the point of sacrifice, if I lose what makes me alive?”

• No Space for Silence: How do you have conversations with those with different beliefs than you? Especially in an election year? As you may have noticed, it’s not easy for people to do (me included). Not easy, but not impossible either. Respect and understanding. “There is no space for silence, conversations must be had…to end discourse is violence, nothing new to understand.”

There is no wrong way to listen to Beyond Our Failures. Listen from beginning to end. Listen to one track at a time. Listen to one song over and over and over again. Doesn’t matter the format, good songs are good songs, no matter how you choose to hear them.

Honestly, is it in you to hear Beyond Our Failures? I think it is.

Because I believe in you.

And I believe in Cerebellion.

Can we still thrive?

Will we survive?

Hold onto what makes us alive?

- Cerebellion / Now or Never

The Even Order - The Awakening

It never ceases to amaze me how talented my friends are.

The Even Order is the solo project by Justin Schulze, and his debut offering The Awakening is a concept album that focuses on our journey of self-reflection and how life experiences shapes and changes who we are fundamentally. The music is heavy but the lyrical content is much heavier in terms of depth and introspection. After listening to the album first time around, I heard some heavy kick-ass songs, but I had no idea I was only scratching the surface. Yes, more great songs to rock out to, but after digging in deeper there was so much more. Like an onion, The Awakening has layers upon layers that can be peeled back.

I can confirm that these songs were written from a really personal place, but even though they’re drawn from personal experiences they’re relatable. I can practically guarantee that there’s at least one track on The Awakening that appeals to everyone at some point in their life. Societal expectations, individuality, peer pressure, anxiety, superficiality, pain - you name it, The Awakening has it. (Don’t take my word for it, for a more in-depth breakdown of each track on YouTube)

Musically, the songs on The Awakening are powerful and ardent, with a wide array of musical influences on display. Metal riffs, classical composition, and Spanish guitars are all represented. The task of comparing The Even Order sound was a little daunting, only because of those eclectic sources of inspiration. Take one part Anthrax, a few scoops of Devin Townsend, a handful of Testament, sprinkle a dash of Mastodon, throw in a bunch of guitar solos and voila! You’ve got yourself a killer bowl of The Awakening.

Any disappointment I had in the length of this album was mitigated by the efficiency in communicating the subject matter. The length of the story does not matter, as long as the story is told properly. Each theme is as concise as it is enlightening. Sure, I’d love to have more than 8 tracks on an album but luckily Justin has 11 albums worth of songs written already, so there will be no shortage of The Even Order tunes in the foreseeable future.

I wasn’t looking for more than great songs from The Awakening, but I got much more than that; I got to challenge my perception of life, as well as my perception of my self.

Come for the killer songs, stay for the lyrical content.

The Even Order are here for everyone.

And this is the awakening.

“Take me to the hospital I think I’m gonna die

Think I’m making all this up, hell this ain’t no lie”

The Even Order - Panic Attack

Marilyn Manson - WE ARE CHAOS

At this point, I may be more interested in Marilyn Manson’s paintings than his music.

Don’t get me wrong, Marilyn Manson the musician is still talented. But his recent releases haven’t grabbed me like his earlier albums did. And not in a snobby “I like his earlier work better” way, there was just a certain attitude and spirit of his music. All the satanic antichrist imagery was fun, but back then Manson’s songs was aggressive and immediately grabbed my attention. But lately, while the songs are good, nothing stands out.

WE ARE CHAOS (Yes, the album and songs are all upper case. Stop yelling at us!) is Manson’s latest effort, this time a collaboration with country musician Shooter Jennings. They met through the show Sons of Anarchy and got along well enough to work together musically. It would be lazy to blame the blandness of WE ARE CHAOS solely on Jennings, I think they work well together. This just seems to be one of those albums for me that I don’t need to go out of my way to listen to again. That’s not to say I won’t, I just can’t image a day where I’m like “You know what I wanna listen to? WE ARE CHAOS.”

“DON’T CHASE THE DEAD” and the title track are the catchy singles, but unfortunately I don’t ever want to hear a Marilyn Manson song be described as “catchy.” “SOLVE COAGULA” (not to be confused with “Solve et Coagula” by Mudvayne) is somewhat interesting, the idea of breaking something down to build it up again (plus who doesn’t like a little Latin?). “PERFUME” kinda stinks. I can get into “INFINITE DARKNESS” and “BROKEN NEEDLE.” Other than that, there’s not much else that stands out to me. Manson is still a great wordsmith, but the lyrics don’t sync up completely with the music.

I need my Marilyn Manson to have a little more bite. And by “bite” I don’t just mean fast, heavy, and loud. Mechanical Animals is my favorite Manson album, not because the songs we’re super heavy or angry, but the songs were great and they captured me from beginning to end.

Maybe asking the shock rocker to consistently shock me for 20+ years is too much to ask. Maybe Manson is not in that place in his life anymore. Maybe he’s mellowed out. Maybe he’s matured professionally.

The old Marilyn Manson is gone, and that is not necessarily a bad thing. We’re all meant to grow and evolve. That’s what Manson has done, and it’s okay if the art is affected.

Whether your instrument of choice is a microphone or guitar or paint brush, the end result must be true to itself.

“I’m not special, I’m just broken and I don’t want to be fixed”

Marilyn Manson - Solve Coagula

Corey Taylor - CMFT

CMFT is the solo album from Slipknot/Stone Sour singer Corey Taylor. These are a collection of songs that Taylor has written over time, which don’t really fit with either band so of course they were released under his name. The songs are a departure from both bands, but at the same time Taylor’s vocal style is unmistakable. Don’t expect aggressively fast vocals like you would hear in Slipknot, expect Stone Sour vocals with more range. While Slipknot and Stone Sour are pretty clear in what they are, CMFT is in a way a tribute to all of Taylor’s musical influences. Out of all the acts associated with Corey Taylor, CMFT is the most well-rounded. It's got a little country if you want it (“Hwy 666,” Samantha’s Gone,” “The Maria Fire”), some punk vibes (“Meine Lux,” “European Tour Bus Bathroom Song”), some mandatory hard rock (“Halfway Down,” “Culture Head,” the superbly titled “Everybody Dies On My Birthday”), and even a sprinkle of street cred hip hop fun (“CMFT Must Be Stopped” featuring Tech N9ne and Kid Bookie).

While the range of musical styles is refreshing, it’s the love songs that get me. “Home” is a piano song that Taylor wrote about his wife, and it’s beautiful enough to add to any playlist for your significant other. “Black Eyes Blue” is a catchy tune, and more proof that Taylor is as talented a lyricist as he is a singer.

Don’t let the reputation of Taylor’s previous work affect your opinion of CMFT. If you’re looking for Slipknot Jr. or Stone Sour Part 2, you’re in the wrong place. CMFT is a fun album to put on at a party. Or a rowdy bonfire. Or a long drive to nowhere.

CMFT can’t be stopped.

“I don’t trust anyone…who uses God as an excuse

I don’t trust anyone…so fuck you, and anyone who looks like you”

Corey Taylor / Culture Head

Deftones - Ohms

DeftOhms

When I read it, it didn’t sound right.

Ohms is Deftones’ 9th album?! Are you sure?

I listed them all out, and how about that. 9 albums (10 if you include the B-sides and covers album) worth of songs from one of my favorite bands. I’ve been aboard the Deftones bandwagon since their first album Adrenaline and I never bailed. Think about your favorite bands from when you were young - how many of them are still together, much less releasing music? It’s been 20+ years since high school for me, lots of bands have come and gone but Deftones are one of the few groups left that I still follow closely. Obviously I enjoy their music, but what else keeps me interested in them? Whether it’s Deftones or any other band I feel the same way about, they each have a unique quality about them that keeps me engaged. I figured out that Deftones are special to me because their music has always reflected either what my life was like at the time or how I felt during that time:

Adrenaline (1995) - My junior/senior year of high school. Even though I was young and angry, I showed promise. Just like this album.

Around the Fur (1997) - Right out of high school. Not the best chapter of my story, but I’m still growing. As did the Deftones with this album, expanding their sound and maturing musically. Although, Deftones did a lot more maturing than I did in this time.

White Pony (2000) - I’m slowly starting to get my life together, gradually making progress. They took their time writing and recording White Pony, to experiment and make the album they truly wanted to make. White Pony was the progression that I was supposed to make, but didn’t. (Sidenote: I’m waiting patiently for Black Stallion to be released)

Deftones (2003) - If White Pony was a peak, then Deftones was a valley. Around this time I felt like a lot of things were “one foot forward two steps back” in my life. The songs on this self-titled album are more eclectic than any of the others, and although the songs are fine I couldn’t really get into it (except Minerva, one of my favorite Deftones songs).

Saturday Night Wrist (2006) - At this point in my life I’m feeling like I need to make some changes, mix things up a little. After recording all of their previous albums with producer Terry Date, they recording SNW with Bob Ezrin at the helm. Like the self-titled album, SNW didn’t really resonate with me. Changes may not necessarily work out the way you want them to, but it doesn’t mean that it was a bad idea.

Diamond Eyes (2010) - After trying to find myself, I’m starting to figure life a bit more. After a couple of uneventful albums, Diamond Eyes reminds me why I love Deftones so much; the energy, the groovy songs, the passion. gunsrazorsknives

Koi No Yokan (2012) - 2012 was a great year - I got married, the LA Kings won their first Stanley Cup, and Deftones released KNY.

Gore (2016) - Slight lull in my professional life. The songs on this album are ok, but nothing special. There’s a reason why I (lovingly!) refer to this album as Bore.

Which brings us to Ohms (2020). My life is as good as it’s ever been, but I’m far from a finished product. At this point, how does my life run parallel with Ohms? I’ll let lead singer (and my doppelganger, if you’re drunk and squinting hard enough) Chino Moreno explain, from Kerrang! magazine:

“Some of the themes that reappear in the record are just about being able to recognize the choices that you made in life and figure out how to change certain things you might not like about yourself.”

Bingo! My journey to self-realization has been met with obstacles and detours, mostly of my own doing. While my continued expedition is perpetually ongoing, Deftones have seem to have already found themselves. As I continue my upward trajectory, Deftones have hit their peak with their best yet to come. Still running parallel, but at different points of the line.

“Urantia” is an immediate favorite, with not one but two choruses that I can’t help but sing every time. “Genesis” sets the tone musically and lyrically (“I reject…both sides of what I’ve been told…”). You’ll fall under the “The Spell of Mathematics.” I dare you to listen to “Radiant City” and not groove to it. That riff, my goodness. I wish I had 4 arms so that I could air drum and air bass that song at the same time. If you want to hear seagulls and think you’re at the beach, check out “Pompeji.” The title track is simple and beautiful, and a great way to end.

It’s way too early to rank this album amongst the rest of the Deftones catalog, but if I had to I would place it somewhere in the middle. (Around the Fur and White Pony go back and forth between being my favorite album, depending on which one I listened to last). Ohms is the album you make someone listen to if that person has never heard a Deftones song in their life, an album that fully encapsulates 30+ years of being a band, covering all their different sounds, rhythms, and beats. You want heavy? You got it. You want moody ambiance? Done deal. Feeling energetic? You’re in the right place.

You can say I grew up with Deftones. Or in a weird way, did they raise me? They definitely influenced my post-high school years. They were the cool older brothers that gave me life advice while buying me beer. They helped me get through some rough patches, and for that I am forever indebted to them. Supporting them is easy when they consistently release quality music.

I’m in a better place, but that doesn’t mean I can stop improving.

I finally achieved balance.

Approaching a delayed rebirth.

Just like the Deftones.

No one alive has taken me here
Nothing I tried replaced your tricks
Whenever I choose to break in again
Promise me now you will follow me in

'Cause nobody else cuts me the same
You've pulled me into a permanent trance
If ever you choose to break in again
I promise you now, I'll follow you in
Promise you now, I'll follow you in

- Deftones - “Radiant City”

Taylor Swift - Folklore

Folklore by Taylor Swift

Well, I’m certainly not the first person to review Folklore by Taylor Swift, but I’m confident in saying that I’m the only one reviewing it while wearing a Suicide Silence T-shirt.

By that I mean that this is not an album I would typically listen to, much less spend time reviewing. My musical tastes lean towards hard rock and metal, and I generally disdain anything related to pop music. It’s not that I’m not too cool for pop (maybe a little bit), it just doesn’t do anything for me. I need to have some sort of emotional connection to what I’m listening to.

An opportunity to review Folklore presented itself, and I accepted that challenge. Admittedly, my Taylor Swift knowledge is very basic. The Kayne incident. Shake It Off. The Katy Perry song. The high profile relationships. Howard Stern hasn’t interviewed her (yet), so I don’t know what to think of her. I watched her Netflix documentary Miss Americana to get a glimpse of how big and influential she is. Who is this girl that has experienced a lifetime of hurt in such a short amount of time? A pop star to be sure, but something felt different about her.

With those preconceived notions of her, and after looking at the cover of Folklore I thought this going to be your standard listen-on-a-rainy-day-after-your-boyfriend-broke-up-with-you album. There’s some of that, but it is a bit more. Deep down, what I’m drawn to the most is honest songwriting about feelings and experiences. The pain, the heartache, the frustration, I want to hear it all. I want to know everything you went through. And Folklore gave me all of that, and then some. My favorite singers are vulnerable and authentic, they pour their emotions into their songs. Not everyone has that type of bravery, but Swift does. Without a doubt. Themes like relationship struggles (“peace,” “hoax”), finding peace (“epiphany”), lost love (“the 1”) are all over the place.

This album is just as suitable for indie pop rock fans than it is for Taylor Swift fans. If you’re looking for songs to dance with your friends to, you’re in the wrong place. Go to the rooftop for that. This is a basement album that is full of broken hearts and hurt feelings, songs you listen to while you flip through old pictures of exes. I’m not a rooftop guy, I’m a basement guy.

“this is me trying” hits close to home with me, as it reminds me of all the times I’ve tried to make things better but fuck them up instead. “mad woman” emphasizes the fact that girls are crazy because boys made them that way. The contrast in the voices of Swift and Bon Iver in “exile” is beautiful, even if the story they’re telling isn’t. “illicit affairs” warns us all about the emotional cost of cheating. “cardigan” is another favorite track, and that was before I read that that song is the first part of a trilogy of songs that revolve around the story of teenage love triangle. “cardigan,” “august,” and “betty” are (reportedly) those 3 songs, each told from the perspective of each party. I don’t care what anyone says, but that’s next level writing right there. I look forward to ripping that off some day.

With that being said, I don’t have to listen to Swift’s other albums to know that Folklore is my favorite. How can I say that without hearing the other albums? I can tell. There is something about the way she turns sadness into beauty, almost like she’s reassuring you that even though she is hurt, she will be okay.

I’m not an official Swiftie but I have a newfound respect for her. She definitely brings out the 17-year-old girl in me. If she was around when I was high school, she’d be on every mixtape I made for a girl. I understand why her fans are so passionate about her. No matter how you feel about her, you cannot deny her talent as a singer, songwriter, and performer. I mean my goodness, she wrote this entire album in 3-4 months during COVID. I can barely write one review in that time.

(Speaking of passionate fans, the battle between Swift fans and Tool fans re: 2019’s Lover vs. Fear Inoculum record sales was an amusing clash of generational taste).

Country Taylor is ok. Dance Taylor is fun. Pop Taylor is good. But indie folk Taylor is my favorite. I’m caught between wanting Swift to find happiness, while at the same time wanting her to continue to make poor relationship decisions to inspire her songwriting. I want to hear all the melancholy and the infinite sadness (shoutout to the Smashing Pumpkins).

I didn’t think a metal head would be able to understand what one of the world’s biggest pop stars is going through, but to get a different perspective sometimes you have to take off your battle vest and put on a cardigan.

“They told me all of my cages are mental

So I got wasted like all my potential

And my words shoot to kill when I’m mad

I have a lot of regrets about that”

- Taylor Swift “this is me trying”

Note:

I’ll be giving away the signed copy of Folklore pictured above. Here are the rules:

1. I will post a picture of the signed CD on my Instagram @charlie.bodhi

2. Leave a comment on that post with feedback on this review of Folklore. And not just “that was good!” “I liked it!” or '‘that sucked!” I’m looking for constructive, detailed feedback. Deadline to submit comment is Sept. 30 at midnight PST.

3. Sometime on Oct 1, I will have a drawing with everyone who left a comment and randomly select a winner.

Howard Stern Comes Again

I finally finished reading Howard Stern’s latest book Howard Stern Comes Again.

Breezed through it, it only took me a year!

You’ll most likely know Stern as the radio shock jock known for having interesting guests on his show (by “interesting,” of course I mean strippers, little people, and people with special needs). But what most people don’t know is that Howard Stern is an extraordinary in-depth interviewer. Wow, really? Yes, really. Anyone who is great at their craft knows how to grow and evolve, and that’s what Stern has done. Stern built his reputation on being outrageous for the sake of entertaining and to be the best radio host ever. This book is a collection of Stern’s favorite interviews, and in the Introduction of his book, Stern explains the reasons he wrote this book. Among those reasons include the regret he has from previous interviews he has conducted. Stern wanted to in a way make amends for the lewd and immature behavior towards his guests, and to do that he had to dig deep, do some soul-searching, and in a way re-invent himself (the sincere remorse Stern has for his first interview with Robin Williams is real). Yes, all the silliness and potty humor is still all over The Howard Stern Show, but now it also includes great interviews.

I’ve been listening to Stern on the radio for many years, and I have heard many of the interviews he included in his book. It was fun to relive those interviews, and below are some of my favorites (in order of appearance in the book):

1. Jerry Seinfeld (2013) - Seinfeld was on to promote his show Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee (more specifically the episode with Stern as his guest). I’ve always been a Seinfeld fan, but never really heard him be interviewed before. I learned about his relationship with Seinfeld partner Larry David, his personal life, and his process for writing comedy. I believe that some people are on this planet for a specific purpose, and these two personify that - Howard Stern was meant to be on the radio, and Jerry Seinfeld was meant to be a comedian. This interview also gave me one of my all time favorite quotes, straight from Seinfeld’s mouth.

2. Bill Murray (2014) - Bill Murray is notoriously elusive when it comes to interviews, so I was excited when I heard he was gonna be on Stern. I know Murray as an extremely funny and talented actor, but I didn’t know much about him personally. But I was about to. Growing up with 8 siblings. Using his phone only to text his sons. Getting on Saturday Night Live. Caddyshack stories. I found out everything I wanted to know, and then some. That’s one of the things that sets Stern’s interviews apart from others: Stern won’t cover everything if he knows you’re going to be back on, but at the same time at the end of every interview, you never feel short-changed.

3. Conan O’Brien (2015) - Stern proclaims that this interview with Conan is possibly the best interview he has ever done. He believes that because, as he says, “I had no regrets afterward, no awkward moments of beating myself up for leaving something out of the interview. There was a deep satisfaction…” And that says a lot, because no matter how good an interview he has with someone, he always feels like he missed something. But I can see why this particular conversation with Conan was special. They covered Conan’s battle with depression, Conan’s great Bill Cosby story, the Tonight Show debacle. Stern and Conan, two of the funniest people on the planet, having a predominantly deep conversation that was enlightening and entertaining.

4. Lady Gaga (2011) - This interview is when I truly realized what a great interviewer Stern is. Before Gaga appeared on the show, I thought she was just another pop star. Just another pretty face that the pop music candy machine poops out. Just another pop princess talking about how much a song that was written by a team of songwriters meant to her. Boy was I wrong. Stern and Gaga covered the usual - her upbringing, her career, sex, drugs. But what really grabbed me was the meaning behind her song “The Edge of Glory,” and how it was inspired by her grandfather. Then she performed the song live, and it was beautiful. (This also let me know she has a legit singing voice, singing a song like that at 7:30 in the morning). I developed a new found respect for Gaga after this interview, so much so that I bought her album Born This Way right after. Her honesty and vulnerability was refreshing to hear, and I’m not sure if anyone other than Stern could make me feel that way about her.

5. Steve Martin (2016) - Martin was initially reluctant to come on Stern’s show because, well, he’s heard the show before. He knew what kind of interrogation he would be under. But eventually Stern and Martin became friendly, and Martin finally came on the show. Steve Martin is so funny and talented, one of the best. I’ve read about 7 books in my entire life, and his book Born Standing Up was one of them. After the interview I could see the similarities between Stern and Martin - the challenging upbringings, humble beginnings, the obsessive need to perfect your comedic craft, their complicated relationships with their respective fathers. Two of my idols, showing that they are human just like everyone else.

These are only a few of the many phenomenal conversations Stern has had. I have heard that a great interview is where you feel like you’re eavesdropping on 2 friends having a conversation, and I agree with that. Not to say that Stern is perfect. He does have a tendency to cut you off, which is fine if you’re just rambling. But cutting people off in the middle of an answer to the initial question to ask the next question can be a bit frustrating. But I get it, sometimes you get a little too excited about the conversation and you want to keep it going. That excitement is part of what makes the interview great.

If it were up to me, everyone should hear a few Stern interviews. Reading them in the book is great too, but you really need to hear the flow and connection to really appreciate every word. It’s truly impressive the way Stern makes his guests feel comfortable enough to open up to him.

In a world full of bullshit, there is nothing like the pure honesty of a Howard Stern interview.

“Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you’re comfortable with.”

- Jerry Seinfeld

Fake Football is Real to Me

The 2020 NFL season starts tonight.

But more importantly, the 2020 fantasy football season starts tonight.

What’s the difference? Nothing really. I’ve been doing fantasy football for 15 years now and it’s one of the things I look forward to all year. I was already a football fan, but fantasy football made me love it even more. Fantasy football allows me to be involved in the game, and makes me use the analytical part of my brain. It’s my favorite thing to obsess over.

So what is it about fantasy football that I love so much?

1. The camaraderie - one of the things that happens when you get older is that life happens and you begin to lose contact with friends and family. But many people use fantasy football to stay in touch with their loved ones. You can have a league with all your college friends. A league with your co-workers. A league with your family. A league with people in your AA group. A league will all the guys you met in prison. Every season I am typically in 2-4 different leagues, this year I’m in 2 - a league with guys I went to high school with, and another with a friend and his friends. Normally I wouldn’t keep in touch with these guys on a regular basis, but fantasy football let’s us chat, talk shit, and “compete” against each other. And I’d much rather do that than be included in large text group.

2. I’m fvcking great at it - I’m not going to bore you rattling off all the championships I’ve won over the years. I’m not going to ramble on about how many playoffs I’ve made. And I certainly will not brag about all the prizes I’ve won. At it’s core, fantasy football is just a game, where a fake team “plays” against another fake team, and the highest score wins. Sounds easy enough, but it takes more than being a fan to succeed. Football knowledge is important, but so is analysis and strategy. Add in some nuance, experience, and gamesmanship and you have my recipe for a strong, competitive team.

3. It scratches my gambling itch - I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ll get the itch to gamble every now and then. It’s a trait found in many Asians. So instead of playing cards and betting on sports, I play fantasy. The stakes are relatively low, it’s week-to-week, and I can still win money/prizes. If you think about it, fantasy football is essentially poker; you decrease risk and play your best team/hand that give you the best chance to win. I can make all the moves that give me the statistical advantage, but that does not guarantee that I will win every time. That’s where the term “bad beat” comes from. Applies to fantasy football just as much as it does to poker. I’ll keep my stakes low (for now).

4. The team names - Ah yes, the fantasy football team name. Everyone with a team gets to name their team. This is where I shine. I love coming up with team names. I try to come up with a new name for each team every year. It’s not easy to come up with a team name that is equally creative, current, and potentially offensive. Sometimes ideas come right to me, sometimes I have to put extra time into it. To give you an idea of how my sick mind works, previous team names I’ve had (that I am comfortable posting) include “Washington Injuns,” “Cromartie Day Care,” and “A Bit of a Chubb.” I swear, all these names were funny at the time. But you get the idea. What are my teams’ names this year, you ask? Hmm….

5. Turning negative into a positive - While fantasy football is fun, there are some negative aspects of it. There are people who take fantasy way too seriously (I’ve been guilty of that) and have misguided anger. There have been many instances where fantasy players will tweet nasty, offensive things to real players on their team. “Hey Player A, I lost my match this week because you only got me X points, you suck, do better next time.” Something along those lines. Like real NFL players care about anyone’s fantasy team. Real NFL teams plan and prepare to win games, not to get your player the most points that week. Interactions like that have soured real players on fantasy football, and I don’t blame them one bit. Imagine being an NFL player and executing the game plan and winning, then having a bunch of fake football nerds calling you names because you didn’t score enough. That would infuriate me. But, a few years ago a sportswriter named Michael Gehlken came up with a brilliant idea. The idea is, if you win your league championship, you donate a portion (or all) of your winnings to a charity of one of your players. I didn’t like that idea. I LOVED that idea. In the 2018 season I had Patrick Mahomes, so after I won the league (not bragging, stating fact), I donated a portion of my winnings to his charity called Team Luke Hope for Minds. I had Lamar Jackson for the 2019 season, so after I won that league (not boasting, just trying to tell a story here) I donated to his charity Boys & Girls Club of Metropolitan Baltimore. And after I win a league this year (not arrogant, just honest), I will donate to another players’ charity. And as long as I keep playing fantasy, I will continue to do so.

That was just a small peek inside my favorite hobby. I could’ve really gone into the weeds with what I really enjoy about fantasy football, but I’ll quit while I’m ahead. Unless you’re super fantasy nerd like I am, it’s boring. Because even though I love fantasy, there is nothing worse than someone telling you about their fantasy team. No one outside of your league cares.

With COVID-19 lingering around, this will be an interesting season for sure.

Who’s going to test positive?

Will there be enough teams to complete the season?

How many championships will “Pull Out Game Weak” win this year??

Only time will tell.

“Fuck that, I’d rather turn this club into a bar-room brawl

Get rowdy as Roethlisberger in a bathroom stall”

- Eminem / “Despicable”

Black Snak - Deep Cuts

There is a time and place for every album.

Hard rock/metal gets played in my car, where I can scream and play air drums to my hearts content.

Fun pop songs are playing when I’m goofing off at a pool party.

Hip-hop is blasting when I feel like pretending I’m a rapper.

But in what situation would someone listen to the newest release from Black Snak? After giving Deep Cuts a few spins, the answer is “anywhere.” Imagine if the Melvins, Kyuss, Big Business, and Sleep had an orgy baby, and that baby wrote some fun, groovy-ass songs, you’d name that baby Black Snak. Deep Cuts is the right combination of rock and sludge and groove and ambiance; the soundtrack to whatever you’re doing - while studying for your GED, while performing gastric bypass surgery, while getting ready to go to grandma’s house, while grinding the weed that you bought with the money grandma gave you. The list goes on and on…

Each song on Deep Cuts progressively compliments the previous song, giving the album depth and nuance. “I Was The Kill” and “Fear and Loathing in Orange County” are good enough to get the girls dancing. “Jai-Ya” and “Black:White” are rocking bangers that will get your nerdy musician friends excited. “Deep Cuts(I-IV)” is mostly instrumental, and a perfect song to make love to your fluid partner to (but beware, the song is almost 11 minutes long, so pace yourself). After the aforementioned sex sesh, go ahead and let “Mute” play during your refractory period

(In other words, don’t mute “Mute.”)

Overall, Deep Cuts is a fun rock record to play on any occasion. Need to drive your uptight aunt to the hospital but don’t want to put on the Christian radio station? Need to impress your guy friends without clearing the room of any and all females? Deep Cuts has got what you need.

(Also, I highly recommend visiting the Black Snak Youtube page for official videos for some of these songs)

“What would you do if I said these words to you? What would I be if you said these words to me?” - Black Snak “I Was The Kill”

Who the f*%& is Charlie Bodhi?

Great question. I’m not sure even I know at this point.

This is all new to me too. I’ll figure it out as I go.

I always thought in order to write, I had to know what to write about and know how to word everything perfectly and place it on the perfect platform and have it all be perfect. I was too concerned with planning a perfect process and ideal situation to start writing, when in actuality the best thing for me to do would’ve been to just start writing. About anything, anywhere, anytime. All that valuable time lost because of fear. Because of insecurity.

So why start writing now? Because a series of events lead me to believe that if I don’t start writing now, I never will. Like a global pandemic that has altered our normal way of life. Social issues that make my voice want to be heard. And most importantly, a 4-year-old son that needs to see his dad keep his dream alive.

What am I going to be writing about? Most blogs stick to one topic, but I have so many interests, there’s no way I can just write about one thing. So for now, I will be writing about anything that interests and inspires me. Music, sports, pop culture, social issues. Not every post will capture your interest, and that’s okay. One day I may post about Black Lives Matter, the next day I may post about pro wrestling. One day about COVID-19, the next day about WAP.

(Note to self: do a deep dive on WAP, breaking down each lyric)

Whatever the topic is, I need to write. About anything. I need reps. I need to write on a regular basis. I need my 10,000 hours.

You’re going to see me use the wrong punctuation. Some of my writing will be grammatically incorrect. Some days you’re going to wonder if English is my second language. And that’s okay. As Winston Churchill once said, “perfection is the enemy of progress.” (I hope Churchill said that, still working on my fact checking).

Maybe I’ll end up only writing about one topic, but until then I need to write about what I know. And no one knows WAP like I do.

I will spend the rest of my life regretting all the time I lost not writing when I wanted to. That I cannot control.

I cannot change the past, but I can change the future.

“This is our time…we devour the days ahead…” - Deftones “Ohm”