Times of Grace - Songs of Loss and Separation

My life has a soundtrack. And the soundtrack changes daily.

As my mood changes, so does the music.

When I’m happy I want everyone to know.

When I’m not, I don’t want anyone to know.

And that’s where the sad songs come in. I’ve always had a problem expressing my pain, anger, sorrow, frustration in healthy ways. I didn’t know how to. Never cared to learn until later in life. In rough times, I just kept to myself, not communicating anything going on in my life. Not being able to talk about my feelings made me feel so alone, like I was the only one struggling. Instead of taking about whatever was going on, I found solace in the sad songs. The sad songs were reassuring; they let me know that whatever I was down about - relationships, self-esteem, life in general - there was someone else who was going through the same thing. Or at least understood what I was going through. Finding a sad song that fit my mood was so comforting. That was the only way I knew how to process any of my emotions.

Before I got into the Seattle bands and metal, I was listening to bands like The Cure. I got my hands on my brother’s copy of Disintegration, and that album (along with a few others) made me realize that music would be my release; my way to process any emotion I had. At the time, it seemed like a blessing, being able to hide in my songs. But I sometimes wonder if it was actually a curse. I clung on to music to heal me instead of learning how to process emotions in healthier ways.

Both of my parents are going through health issues. My dad is 86 with a pacemaker and difficulty breathing without assistance. My mom is 80 and has Alzheimer’s. I fear that both don’t have much time left. Even though both of their respective health situations have been going on for years, I still have no idea how to process. I don’t know how to handle their mortality. I go see them and help as much as I can. My wife has been a great sounding board. And even though there’s not much I can do at this point to change either of their situations, I’m stuck feeling helpless.

I have made a lot of progress when it comes to processing feelings and emotions, but when I think of my parents I feel like I’m a lost little kid all over again, using music to cope. My wife and my brother have been great sounding boards, both have been more than supportive. But I still feel like I’m not doing any of this correctly.

Sometimes I feel like music saved my life. Sometimes I feel like music stunted my emotional growth.

But my music is a reflection of who I am. For better or for worse.

If I’m in a good place, the soundtrack is good.

If I’m in a bad place, the soundtrack gets a whole lot better.

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Times of Grace is a passion project of Adam Dutkiewicz, guitarist for metalcore trailblazers Killswitch Engage. While laying in a hospital recovering from emergency back surgery, an inspired Adam D wrote material for a bunch of songs. Former (at the time)/current Killswitch singer Jesse Leach was recruited to assist with vocals and lyrics, and the result was their debut album The Hymn of a Broken Man (2011).

After listening to Times of Grace, it’s easy to dismiss it as “Killswitch light.” After all, the core of the band are two guys from Killswitch, so that comparison is understandable. I certainly made that correlation. But Times of Grace is so much more than that. Both bands are thoughtful, uplifting, and therapeutic. The difference is, Killswitch has built an extensive fanbase with a certain sound. But with Times of Grace, they can push boundaries and expand their sound without being pigeonholed to one particular genre. Sure, you can hear the Killswitch in Times of Grace, but you also hear some pop and indie rock mixed in. Times of Grace is it’s own entity, blazing a path of their own.

The songs off of Songs of Loss and Separation cover everything from religion (“Far from Heavenless”) to love (“Rescue”) to faith (“The Burden of Belief”). “Bleed Me” starts off sounding similar to “Something in the Way” by Nirvana.

I think of my parents when I hear “To Carry The Weight” and “Cold,” since both songs are about death. Not exactly the same kind of death, but the sentiment is similar. Both tracks touch on someone dying, feeling like you could’ve done more, and realizing things will never be the same again.

Even though the subject matter of these tracks are heavy, the music itself is light. What I mean by that is that the music off Songs of Loss and Separation are not super fast, super heavy, or super loud. These songs are able to show their strength without being overly aggressive. These are the things I find beauty in.

The best songs elicit some sort of emotion from you, and the songs off Songs of Loss and Separation definitely made me feel.

“The sun will rise in tomorrow’s skies

You’ll find your way moving towards the light

If you believe that this too shall pass

And the pain will not last forever”

Times of Grace - “To Carry The Weight”