THERE IS NO WAY I’LL BE ABLE TO DO THIS
Growing up as a first generation immigrant in southern California, I had a mild fascination with writing. My love of sports lead to my love for sports writing. My dad subscribed to the LA Times, and after he was done with the Sports page I would flip through it next. Initially I was only interested in box scores and schedules, but after awhile I started reading more news articles and columns. Over time, the columns and opinion pieces took priority over the final score. The first columnist I really enjoyed reading was Jim Murray, longtime LA Times sportswriter. I don’t recall specific articles he wrote, I just remembered that I looked forward to anything he wrote. His writing was intelligent but not in a way that made me feel dumb, a style that I value today as much as I did when I was young. I loved sports writing, but I never considered pursuing it for a living. I’m not a writer, I’m not a journalist. There is no way I’ll be able to do this.
In high school, I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. Never considered writing.
In college, I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. Never considered writing.
Then cut scene to circa 2001. I was in my early 20’s, lost, had no direction in life. Struggling with confidence, self-esteem, and focus. Living day-to-day with no plans, ideas, or goals. One day I get a call, from a guy named Dave Leon. Dave said he got my number off of a mailing list (don’t remember which one, I subscribed to many music-related mailing lists back then) and told me he was starting a new magazine focusing on heavy metal called Keeper Magazine and wanted to know if I would be interested in writing for it. Initially I was skeptical, because I had never received a call like that before. Nor was I expecting one. Even back then, I knew that the chances of someone just randomly calling me and offering me a job to do something I enjoyed was slim. I didn’t know a lot back then, but even I knew that if I really wanted something, I would have to go out and get it. No one would be handing anything to me. So I told Dave yeah, sure why not. So I go to his house to meet him, and turns out Dave is a musician and has many connections in the industry.
We chit chat for a bit about music, then then tells me he’s also a photographer, and after a few drinks he asks if he can take some tasteful nudes of me, and well of course I’m flattered so I…
(…sorry, that’s not how the story goes at all. I’m already jumping to the tales of erotica that I’m dying to write about…)
Anyway, we’re talking about music in his home office, and one area of his office is just stacks and stacks of promo CDs. He said to go through the CDs, grab whatever I wanted to listen to, write up reviews of said albums, and send it in. If I wanted to do an interview, let him know and he can try to set it up. If I wanted to review a concert, let him know so he can set me up. It wasn’t a paid gig, but I didn’t care - I wanted the reps and experience. I got to keep the CDs I took, and that’s all the payment I needed. I definitely needed money at the time, but gaining writing experience was more valuable to me.
Writing for Keeper was a blast - I was getting reps, having fun, free CDs, I even got to interview a member of one of my favorite bands (Todd Weinstock/Glassjaw - I have the tape somewhere!). Then after about a year and half/two years, I started writing less and less. Visits to Dave’s home to chat and grab CDs were infrequent. Don’t recall exactly where my head was at the time, but I knew that no matter how much I enjoyed writing, it was not earning me any money. CDs weren’t paying my bills, so I needed a full time job. Still not at a place where I believe I can parlay my recent writing gig into a paying writing gig. I wasn’t confident enough in my abilities to do that. I had to shelve writing so I could earn a check. I’m not good enough to write for a living. There is no way I’ll be able to do this.
By the late 2000s / early 2010s, there is more stability in my life so I start dabbling in writing again. Wrote a few album reviews for an online music site. Good experience, but it felt different than when I wrote for Keeper. I wasn’t into it as much. Still loved music, but I wasn’t getting the same satisfaction. So I stopped writing again. There is no way I’ll be able to do this.
Fast forward to a few years ago. I’m married, my wife gives birth to our son Logan, steady work, life is good. And I’m starting to think more and more about writing again. What would I write about? Where would I post my writing? What format would I use? Should I use a pen name? How will I differentiate myself from the millions of other writers in this world? Endless questions, zero answers. There is no way I’ll be able to do this.
I had every excuse to not write. But the reason you’re reading this now is simple - I don’t want my son settling on an unfulfilling career because he is afraid of chasing his dreams and passions. Because that’s what I did. I need to be able to look him in the eye and say yes, I am pursuing my passion and I will see what comes of it. It may work out, it may not, but I tried. I need to lead by example, he needs to see me write.
And that brings us to today. I don’t know what the future of this site and my writing is, but I’d be honored if you joined me in my journey to find out.
I will be able to do this.